half of my heart

Educational Summary of our History Quest

2009-05-29T05:19:00.000-07:00

We had a great time at the movie Tuesday. Also loved the Museum of American History. Immediately after we exited the Star Spangled Banner exhibit, there was a costumed reenactor portraying the building of the flag - We sat and watched (and TJ participated) as she described her life, how she had to work in the nearby malthouse to have enough room to build the huge flag - it's 42 feet fly (meaning wide in flag terms, who knew?). Very cool. TJ volunteered to help her place a star on the blue bunting. He also helped provide a few names of the 15 states represented by the 15 stars on the flag. They also had a very nice exhibit about the country at war - we didn't make it very far before someone needed to use the restroom, and someone else started complaining. That brings us to a discussion of the hazards of field trips.

Challenges to our 18 sites in 16 weeks plan:

1. Fatigue. I had no idea how exhausting some of these field trips would be. After spending all day at the National Mall, we are usually wiped out for a good day and a half. It was worse when we started (midwinter), since our bodies weren't used to all the walking (and my kids are run around the neighborhood every day kind of kids)! We have built up stamina as we progressed, (Tuesday, Emma didn't ask to be carried at all) but a big field trip makes the next school day quite a challenge because we're all grumpy and tired. I don't know how far away the buildings are from one another, but Tuesday it took us about 45 minutes to walk back from the Air and Space Museum to our truck in the parking garage right off the Mall. We were taking our time, granted, but it was still a long walk.

2. Related to number one - scheduled field trips break up the monotony of a week of math, grammar, music, etc. but they also affected our school routines. After a big field trip (particularly the out of town trips), it seemed to take a couple of days to get the kids back into the routine of school work. This doesn't mean I let them off the hook - it just means much more complaining and resistance from them.

3. Cost - we were able to foot the expenses for these trips, but they were significant at times. No matter how we go into town (metro or driving), it seems to take about 20 dollars. We found it was quicker to just drive in and pay to park, than to worry about the metro (2 dollars per person each way off-peak hours plus 4.50 for parking, and takes longer). If you don't pack a lunch, add that cost, if the kids want snacks or souveniers, add that cost. We almost always packed lunches, and limited both snacks and souveniers (mainly I picked up a couple of books to supplement our curriculum) and it was doable. But you have to plan ahead.

4. I thought my kids were just the right ages for this kind of experience. Now I'm thinking Emma and sometimes Nathan were a bit too young. Nathan learned a lot, but he fatigues easily and complained a lot. However, he appears to have retained information gained during field trips - at least the major points. He knows about Trenton, the Delaware river crossing, Yorktown, etc. We were able to get around the complaining if dad came along, or if our cousins were with us. This is a great help if you have some reticent kids.

So, What did they learn?

That's a really good question. It's hard to gage the answer, really. I have more empathy for teachers and test builders. I know my kids learned and experienced a lot, but I wasn't always sure what questions to ask to engage their knowledge and understanding. In the end, I went with lots of open-ended questions and fewer fact/date questions in a structured interview. I wrote down most of their responses - because they just couldn't supply in writing all the details I wanted.

Here's a summary

Emma: Emma was able to tell me the name of the first president of the United States (GW), and the author of the Declaration of Independence (TJ). Thomas Jefferson was her favorite person we studied because "he liked flowers." She remembered the names of a few field trips to talk about them, but I'm not sure she remembers the earliest field trips. At the time, she loved Mount Vernon, but describing the visit to her recently, she just looks at me funny. I do hope that she brings from the experience a love for adventuring and seeing new places, and learning new things.

Home school in general: Reading skills have improved - she can now tackle easy readers (level 1 books) and often read most of the words on the page. I think she's done well. She can do simple addition and subtraction using concrete objects to count. She seems to enjoy learning the notes on the piano, and playing simple pieces from our entry level piano book. I think she misses the social interaction with friends and teachers at school. At home, she gets lots of negative attention from her brothers, she could use a spot of positivity from people unrelated to her.

Nathan: Nathan's favorite field trips were Mount Vernon, the Franklin Institute, and Jamestowne.
TJ's were Franklin Institute, Jamestowne/Yorktown, and the Dinosaur & Caves IMAX movies we watched (at Museum of Natural History and Franklin Institute, respectively)

I asked both boys to describe what they think were the most significant events we studied that contributed to the success of the colonists and their eventual freedom. Nathan listed the Declaration of Independence - because "It showed our independence", the Battle of Yorktown, where the British surrendered, and the capture of Trenton - because he thought that the soldiers followed the Delaware river all the way to Yorktown (which is not true, but at least he got the fact that the Delaware river crossing was near Trenton).
TJ listed the Battle of Saratoga - because it brought the French to our aid, the Boston Massacre - because it made the Americans very, very (fighting) mad at the British, The battle of Cowpens - because it made us less afraid of Tarleton and the British, and Knox getting the guns from Ticonderoga - we took back Boston. Honestly, much of this information TJ learned from his own reading. The only battle sites we toured and learned about in some detail were Yorktown and Trenton. We did have some wonderful books that helped him learn at his own quick pace.

When I asked what they thought about the fact that both TJ and GW were slave holders, Nathan wrote "I know GW feed his slaves. Why didn't TJ free his? Maybe because he wanted his slaves to learn at his house, with all his books and stuff."
TJ said "I don't think it's good."

Side note: We didn't spend a lot of time talking about slavery or indentured servitude, but we did discuss these issues, and the fact that about 30-40%of the English heading for the Jamestowne colony prior to about 1770 were indentured servants. By 1770's, slave labor became readily available, and indentured servitude was on the decline. Slavery was a huge issue even in colonial times, and Thomas Jefferson condemned the practice in his original draft of the Declaration of Independence. (the section was deleted). He also attempted to end the practice as president, but failed by one vote. Slaves counted as 3/5 a person for purposes of determining how many congressional representatives were to be had in a particular state, according to the Constitution. While we didn't get to the civil war, I wanted the boys to have some understanding that the slavery issues was long and complicated and disagreements about the practice predated the civil war by 70 years. I also wanted them to understand that the quest for freedom and equality didn't end with the revolutionary war - at that point, women weren't allowed to vote (and didn't get that right for a long time). Slaves & indentured servants obviously weren't allowed to vote, and even children didn't have the same opportunities then. But it was an important beginning. See? Even mom learned something:)

I also asked which aspects of colonial life they would have liked and disliked most had they lived at that time. Liked: TJ said he would have liked not having to have a fishing license, no gun laws or restriction (he's a big field and stream reader, he's pretty current with gun legislation), easier to claim land. Nathan said "riding horses, peace with the indians".

Disliked: TJ: "Lots of poverty. I would not have liked lack of hygiene (bathing), (lack of) medical knowledge, toilet knowledge." I think he had a pretty clear picture about what life was like then:) Nathan just wrote: "British" and "Slavery".

I loved that both boys seemed to understand some of the critical issues facing the army at Valley Forge. I asked, why do you think the soldiers perservered? Both said "Because they had a taste of freedom." This was a line from a reading about Von Steuben, and how he adjusted his training to be most effective with the Americans.

I asked if they had read about a time when it seemed likely God intervened in behalf of the colonists (hey, it's homeschool, I can mix religious questions in!) Nathan thought maybe the Delaware River crossing was one example. TJ thought it was when Baron Von Steuben and the French came to America's aid.

Nathan's 3-4 favorite people we studied were Ben Franklin - because he was a scientist, sent Von Steuben to Washington, and found electricity in lightning, George Washington-he was brave, led an army into Trenton, took over Yorktown, and crossed the Delaware in a big thunderstorm; and Thomas Jefferson - author of the Declaration of Independence, he wanted people to research and learn how to read, and he hated the British.
TJ's favorites were: Daniel Morgan - "because he whipped Banister Tarleton (the meanest man in America)", was thoughtful, a woodsman, and a rifleman. Francis Marion - Because "He drove BT nuts," and he was deceptive, smart, and sneaky. Lafayette - because he was "cool", one of the first French to come help us, calm under pressure, Washington's favorite General - shared an emotional bond with Washington.

I aksed how being a patriot child today compared with what it was like for Patriot children then. TJ responded: "Back then a lot more soldiers died in wars...There's not as high a risk that our dad would get hurt. (They're) Always gonna get scraped up, but getting hit or sick doesn't happen to everyone."

What have you liked about our study of colonial history? Nathan said "The colonists won! GW had so much bravery and trust in his troops, and his troops had so much bravery to fight when they were outnumbered." TJ said "I get to hear about cool guys (and a few women)...lots of battles." Disliked: Nathan: "King George's taxes (those were stupid), so many patriots had gotten killed, or died from disease." TJ reported there just wasn't enough information for him. (And I seriously picked up nearly every educational children's book I found on the topic! - I'll have to give you our reading list!)

So, all in all, I'm pleased with what they have learned. I think I'm most excited that the children have been so enthusiastic about the material. I think TJ in particular has developed a thirst for historical knowledge. He's certainly able to pick up a lot from his independent readings - he just needs interesting, appropriate books. That may be the challenge for me in the future. For me, the experience has been fantastic. I have loved reading and learning right along with the children. The more I learn, the more I appreciate how miraculous it was that the patriots were victorious. They were outnumbered, barely trained, out gunned, unsupplied, and in every way out matched. Only through herculean and inspired efforts were they able to prevail. Makes you think about the significance of personal freedom as motivation, and the importance of visionary leaders like George Washington. To me it also seems that God had a hand in this struggle, that he encouraged the cause of freedom here. He inspired leaders, he supported the troops, he planted the desire for liberty and justice. I hope we as a nation can always have Him on our side.

Pictures Weeks 1-8

2009-05-28T05:46:00.000-07:00

Nathan at the Korean War Memorial

Tired kids after running up the stairs at the Lincoln Memorial

WWII Memorial

Week 8, Cherry Blossom Festival

Washington Monument from the Tidal Basin

Thomas Jefferson Memorial from the Tidal Basin

Week 7, the Franklin Institute, with Aunt Erin and cousins Sam and James

Building Mars Rovers at the Franklin Institute

The Foucault Pendulum

Mom and TJ with Ben

Our trip to Trenton, still week 7

The Delaware Crossing site

The old Barracks Museum, Trenton

Leesylvania State Park, dipping our feet in the Potomac, Week 6

The National Zoo, Week 5 Giant Pizza Play area

Giant Panda eating bamboo

What should we see first?

The Pope-Leighey House, Week 4

Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, Week 3

Lunar Lander

Mount Vernon Educational Room, Wouldn't they make some fine colonial children? Week 1

Stables at Mount Vernon

A sideways glance at Mount Vernon

Our first field trip, we can hardly wait!

More Homeschooling updates

2009-05-25T13:44:00.001-07:00

OK, we're finally to May! These are our most recent trips:

Week 12 - Monticello

We have friends living in Charlottesville, so it seemed like a good idea to visit with them and have a field trip too. Monticello is stunning (and we've been some amazing places this spring). Well, we drove up and promptly locked our keys in the truck (which really didn't start off the day on the right foot). Luckily, our friends are AAA members, and made a phone call to get everything righted so we could enjoy ourselves. Monticello is Italian for "little hill", and the home itself does sit up on a hilltop. At the bottom of the hill is a complex of museums, gift shop, cafe, children's educational room, etc. - all recently built, lots of green technology. Tracy took pictures of the buildings themselves, they were so beautiful. We hung out with the kids in the educational room, where they could play and learn - one tool/toy was a replica of Jefferson's Polygraph machine - essentially a machine with two styluses (I have no idea what the correct plural form is for stylus) you write with one and the other makes an exact copy. That's one reason we know so much about TJ, he kept copies of the letters he wrote. He also had a clock that could tell the days of the week. Anyway, then we jumped in the shuttle van that takes you to the top of the hill where you tour the house. You would have to see the view, it's remarkable. The foyer is full of Native American artifacts, courtesy of the Lewis and Clark expedition. We also saw his library (he loved to read - and in fact donated his personal library to the country - his personal collection formed the basis for the Library of Congress. Saw his room, dining room, a couple of sitting rooms, a guest room. He also built large patios on both sides of the house where they held parties and dancing. Like other patriots I've read about, he died in debt, and Monticello and many of his possessions were sold after he died, I believe. He was an avid horticulturalist, and huge gardens lined one side of the house - probably 2 football fields worth of vegetable gardens. We walked down the hill and saw the family grave site. Jefferson was specific about his tombstone - he wanted only three things noted: That he was the author of the Declaration of Independence, the author of the Virginia statute of religious freedom, and the founder of the University of Virginia. Believed strongly that public education was critical to the continuation of a free society, and from what I've read so far, he wasn't overly fond of many of the organized religions of his day, though he was a spiritual man. In the biography I've been reading (well, slowly leafing through), apparently he at one time went through the New Testament and compiled all of the sayings and teachings of Jesus - basically cut and pasted them to study Christianity at its purest. Thomas Jefferson seems a bit more complicated a man than Washington. We came away from Mount Vernon feeling like we really understood the type of man GW was, the many virtues he possessed that made him a great leader, etc. But seeing Monticello didn't completely make clear who this man was (though he seemed to be good at everything from music to educational pursuits to gardening). An enigma of sorts, I guess. Must finish book, I guess. It was a great trip, and it was so nice to see our friends:)

Week 13 - Valley Forge

Back to Philadelphia - Valley Forge had been on our list since the beginning, and we attended a special day for homeschoolers. There were probably close to 80 homeschoolers who showed up. We met at the welcome center, where a park service guide dressed as a colonial soldier lined the kids up and taught them a few basic drills. Then we marched to the top of the hill to see some of the sights. Valley Forge was a hill top (not a valley), so it was more easily defensible. the British never attacked - but GW had several redoubts built just in case. Again we learned about how these were built (the kids had seen this before at Yorktown). TJ was the only one of all the homeschoolers there who knew the earthenworks forts were called redoubts - go TJ! Anyway, then we marched on to the top where there were several of the cabins the kids could see. We split into smaller groups and learned about the clothing worn by the soldiers, what they ate, saw a replica of an outdoor bread oven, watched them fire the muskets, and learned more about army life. Then, just before the heavens opened and it started to pour down rain, we jumped into Aunt Erin's van and took a driving tour of the rest of the park. One of our favorite Revolutionary war stories was the story of Von Steuben training the American troops. We saw the parade field where he drilled the soldiers, with a statue commemorating his accomplishments. Cool.

That was going to be our last week. We were completely dead tired. At home we started to wrap up our discussion about revolutionary war era, and I asked the kids to think about some of the events they thought were critical to the Patriots' success. I even did a formal little interview to try to get a sense of their understanding and memory of events. I'll post about those results in a bit.

Week 14 - Leesylvania again -
This time we caught the visitor's center open, and spent a few minutes inside, mainly pestering the ranger about local animals (many of which TJ expressed a desire to shoot, which went over well, I'm sure).

Week 15 - Biking the George Washington Parkway

There is a lovely bike/jogging trail that goes the length of the George Washington parkway - from Mount Vernon to the Capital Building, I believe. We only biked a short portion of it, a little north of Mount Vernon. Again, we were right on the Potomac river. TJ stopped every hundred yards or so to look for a good fishing spot. At times we biked over marshy areas with wild iris. It was a cool, sunny day, perfect for riding. Right at our turn around point, Nathan wrecked. He had some major road burn to his elbow and knee, and screamed bloody murder. We were fortunate that two nice pedestrians rushed to our aid - one was a nurse, the other had a first aid kit in her car. Between the two of them, we soon had Nathan fixed up pretty well. He is his daddy's boy, and became really woozy as they were working on him. Then he was fighting mad. He actually walked about 100 feet ahead of me as I was walking his bike and scooter, which was good because then I couldn't hear him muttering about how he was never getting on a bike again, and how his day was ruined, etc...

That's it. Tomorrow is our final field trip - we're going to see the new Night at the Museum movie, at the Smithsonian museum! I downloaded a treasure hunting map so we can see some of the artifacts featured in the movie, then see the actual movie! How cool will that be? We will spend some time in the Museum of American History - we haven't been there yet, then maybe walk through the castle, and meander our way to the movie. Seems like a fitting end to our adventures.

I'm quite happy with all we've done. My sister and her children are coming to visit and sight see in a few weeks, and so we'll head back into the city to see more. We're trying to get tickets to see the White House (which have to be ordered months ahead of time) and the capital building. I'd also like to see the National Archives, the Library of Congress, the National Gallery, and I want to go up inside the Washington Monument. But hey, those are they only things on our original list that we haven't seen yet.

So, there are several logistical pointers I would give to anyone contemplating visiting these historical sites.
1 - Avoid weekends. The middle of the week was so much less crowded - the kids could see the museum artifacts, and I wasn't too paranoid they'd become separated from me and get lost. The one weekend we went in with our friends was completely crazy busy. Getting a stroller around the Museum of Natural History was nearly impossible.

2- Figure our parking in advance (particularly true for the National Mall). In DC, there is almost no free parking. The chances you can find a free parking spot are slim, unless you really plan a lot of driving around and waiting time.

3 - Understand traffic flow, and be careful about peak hours. For us, we used HOV lanes in and out of the city, which works very smoothly, even close to rush hour. But when there are no HOV lanes available, driving can be an absolute mess. Avoid trying to get anywhere Friday afternoons.

Homeschooling update

2009-05-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

Wow. I can't believe I am so behind. Well, yes I can, actually....paperwork is not my strongest point. I meant to be all organized with this homeschool thing, to blog after each field trip - since I make the kids journal after each one.
We are now heading into probably our last week of school and last solo field trip. I planned to stop 3 weeks ago, because we were exhausted, but we have managed to get out of the house and have a couple of adventures close to home.

OK, week 6 - Leesylvania State Park

This is a beautiful park, close to home, on the banks of the Potomac River. There are hiking trails that lead to the site of some old homes. Lighthorse Harry Lee (father of Gen. Robert E. Lee) lived here, hence the name Leesylvania. There are the remains of an old Civil War redoubt. We'd already seen this, and were so tired, the kids basically hung out on a little strip of beach and gathered shells and made sand castles. We came back this past month and went through their visitors center.

Week 7 - Philadelphia: Trenton Old Barracks, Washington Crossing Site, and the Franklin Institute

Stayed with Aunt Erin and Uncle John for a couple of days. The first day, the kids and I drove to Trenton and went through the Old Barracks Museum - The colony of New Jersey had errected the barracks during the French and Indian war to house british troops, and there were some hessians staying there during the battle of Trenton. It was a bit expensive, but a great tour! A costumed interpretor showed us through the building and spent a lot of time telling us exactly how the battle of Trenton went down. No, the Hessian troops were not drunk. They were trained soldiers, and would not have shirked their responsibilities so completely. Washington's forces were victorious because they had a greater number of soldiers, had some element of surprise, and had the better plan. Also, the hessians had failed to errect redoubts or fortifications to which they could have retreated when the conflict started. So they had nowhere to run once Washington showed up. It was really a great military victory for the colonies. After the town was captured by the rebel forces, Washington turned it into a military hospital. He had the troops innoculated for small pox. There was a small surgical room there where another costumed interpretor told us all about the medical practices of the day, including how exactly they went about the small pox vaccinations. When he got around to explaining about trephining (drilling a hole in a person's skull to decrease pressure after a head injury), TJ stood up, pale and woozy and told us he was ready to leave. My own knees were feeling a bit weak. I guess you can sometimes get too much information....

We then drove by the Washington Crossing site - didn't go through any of the visitors centers but took some pictures. The Delaware river is quite wide at that point. They certainly wouldn't have been able to ford it on horses or foot. It was impressive to think about what that place would have looked like with big chunks of ice floating around in the middle of a Nor'easter. Not a place I would have wanted to be.

The next day we went to the Franklin Institute - this was one of the kids' favorites. There's a rotunda with a large marble statue of Ben Franklin, and many of his well known quotes are flashed on the sides of the room. Walking past the rotunda you go into the science museum - there's a wing about the human body with a giant heart you can climb through following the path that the blood takes as it is circulated through the heart and lungs. There's a giant foucalt's pendulum that hangs the length of the 3 or 4 story staircase, with domino-like pegs around it that it gradually knocks down during the course of the day as it is acted upon by the rotation of the earth. We also went into a wing called Newton's loft, with different hands-on physics experiements about light, force, momentum, etc. Very cool! Saw an IMAX movie - Amazing Caves.

Week 8 - Cherry Blossom Festival at the National Mall

We'd already been to the mall a couple of times to see the museums, but I just couldn't help coming down when the cherry trees were in bloom. This was probably one of my favorite days. The cherry trees were a gift from Japan, and the majority of them surround the tidal basin, to the Southwest of the Washington Monument. We strolled around the sidewalk along the tidal basin, which was covered in pink blossoms, and when the wind blew, pink petals fell like snow. It was amazing. We rented a paddle boat and spent an hour eating our lunch and paddling around the tidal basin. Saw the Thomas Jefferson memorial from the water. Watched the planes coming in overhead (there's an airport close by). Even saw a few white house helicopters fly by. After our time was up, we continued west and saw the WWII memorial, which was very impressive, walked along the reflecting pool, and to the Lincoln Memorial. Then back to the truck via the Korean war memorial with the granite wall that reads "Freedom is not free". For our synthesis project we wrote haikus about our field trip. Here are a couple:

Emma: Trees are pink and white
Far away, the flowers, red
They looked like popcorn.

TJ: Paddle boats are fun
But if you monkey around
You will surely flip.

Nathan: Paddle boats are fun
For they have interest in mind
They energize me.

Me: Cascading snowflakes
Sunrise-colored, fluttering
Trees sing welcome spring.

So, I gave them the first line (and Emma a little more help), but I thought they did well!

Week 9: Annapolis

Annapolis is a beautiful town. There is a nice historic section with a couple of museums right along the dock. We spent a little time wandering around a museum, then walked to the Naval Academy and saw the chapel there. The kids fell in love with the Naval Academy. Budding Navy seals, they tell me. Then we took a quick boat tour of the harbor and saw the seaside of the Naval academy, almost to the place where the river meets the chesapeake bay. Came back and walked up to the historic capital building - the oldest continuously used capital building in the U.S. It was a little funny to be walking in the same door as several people in suits were using. Annapolis was actually the nation's capital for a few months. This was the place where Washington resigned his commission. Saw the room, heard the story about why that event was significant - in most countries in Europe, the victorious military commander would become the leader of the government - declare himself king. Washington certainly had the public support if he had wanted that. But I believe he had a vision of a country founded on freedom. So he resigned his commission as commander of the patriot forces and put the power back in the hands of the elected government. As we were leaving, saw the original of one of the famous paintings portraying this event. Very cool.

Week 10
This was househunting week. We drove all over looking at houses. We were seriously exhausted. We had also spent 3 hours in traffic coming home from Annapolis. It was awful. You have to respect and plan around the freeway system here or it will bite you. I think I actually composed a traffic haiku, I'll have to find it. Anyway, this week was spring break for the neighborhood kids, so we had kind of an easy week as well. We did go see a movie - Monsters vs. Aliens. Can't really justfiy that as an educational experience, though.

Week 11. This was a big week. Tracy came with us, we left Tuesday morning after making sure all the initial paperwork and our offer on a new house was completed. Drove to Williamsburg. Wandered around the town a little. This was a differently organized place than I'd ever seen. Historic Williamsburg is a collection of colonial era homes that were rebuilt (only a couple of structures were existing after fires and the moving of the capital to Richmond) based on the original plan of the town. You purchase tickets that allow you to enter some of the historic buildings (some I think are even private residences) and the rebuilt Governor's palace. It was furnished as it when Lord Dunmore (the last british appointed governor) lived there. We wandered around to get a feel for the place that afternoon, then went back to our hotel to rest. The next morning we went to Yorktown, and spent the morning touring the National Park service park and museum there, with the rebuilt redoubts and seige lines. We went into the town itself and ate lunch at a cute little place in the historic part of the town. That afternoon we came back into Williamsburg and toured the Governor's palace, with it's very impressive wood and marble entryway. There were hundreds of swords, muskets, and pistols lining the walls. An impressive show of force. The tulips were blooming in the gardens. Saw the live production in the streets that portrayed different events that occurred in the town - such as when the british took the town, and Benedict Arnold came in and lectured the residents about the british terms. There was a discussion about religious freedom between two ministers, some discussion between slaves about who would fight for the british (who promised freedom to any slaves who fought on their side). The next morning we drove to Jamestowne - the National Park - I can't say enough about how beautiful it was at all these places - the dogwood trees were in bloom, everything was green - you can see why early settlers thought they had landed in the garden of eden. Were part of a great forest service tour that talked about the early history of Jamestowne, saw the archeologists there on site digging (they found an artifact while we were there - a handle of a small tool). Our park service guide talked about the founding of the house of burgesses in 1619 - the first representational government here (predating the pilgrims by a year). talked about the drought that was likely present for many of the early years of the colony, and contributed to the problems between the settlers and the powhatan indians and the poor survival rate of the colonists. It was fantastic - very memorable to be hearing about the problems they faced there at the site. It was a beautiful spring day, but windy and cold, and one could easily imagine the natural challenges faced by the settlers. On the way from the visitor's center, we walked on an elevated walkway across the swamp to get to the landing site and site of the first fort. I hear it's still nasty during the summer with biting flies. Saw the rebuilt, operating glass blowing site. Awesome.

Homeschooling update

2009-03-28T08:43:00.001-07:00

We are greater than one third of the way through our 18 sites in 18 weeks program. I can't believe how quickly time flies! I really truthfully thought I'd be able to blog more regularly, but with all the kids at home, my time is limited. So, here is another update about the most recent sites we've visited.

Week 3: Smithsonian Air and Space Museum
This week we experimented with an alternate way into the city. We drove to a metro site and rode the metro in. I haven't been on a metro for several years, and trying to figure out the smart cards (we had two - thanks Matt and Mary!) and get us all on the train before it left was a bit of a mess. I didn't find out until we were coming home that each child needed their own card. Anyway, we did make it there and home all right. Metro trips off peak ran about two dollars a person each way, with an additional $4.50 parking fee. The trip took a little longer, too. All in all, I'm not sure it's the best option for transportation while gas is as inexpensive as it is.
Enough about logistics - the museum was fantastic! They'd changed it since I'd been there in college. There were so many highlights - the original Wright flyer was definately one of them! There was a whole Wright exhibit. Did you know that one of the brothers even played the mandolin? We also saw a moon rock, one of the lunar landers (they built more than one), a planetarium show about the stars visible in the winter/early spring. Another exhibit showed how things fly, and was a series of experments dealing with air pressure and wing shape. Nathan's favorite was a tube of blowing air that kept a small beach ball "floating". The faster air moves, the lower the pressure. The higher pressure outside the blowing column of air kept the ball floating. At least, I think that's how it went. With a plane, the wings are shaped so that the air travelling over a wing moves more quickly than air travelling under a wing, creating lower pressure and lift. There was a museum employee who relayed a story told to him by a high school science teacher who attempted a similar experiement in his classroom with a leafblower and a softball. The leafblower shot the softball through the ceiling panels and into an adjacent class! Science moral: Don't try this at home!
The other exhibit we loved had to do with telescopes and the study of light from space. There were all sorts of fancy gadgets - spectrometers (look at different light waves), and even an infared camera. The kids spent several minutes in front of it looking at their own heat signatures. Very cool. This is definately a place we'll want to bring relatives and friends who visit.

Week 4 - Frank Lloyd Wright Pope-Leighey home
This was a surprisingly interesting trip. We'd done some homework in advance - checked out a couple of books about him, his ideas about architecture, the time in which he lived. He was a very interesting guy, though I didn't share many details about his personal life with the kids. Maybe when they're older. So, by the time we went to see the house, they knew who he was and could appreciate the example of his work. The Pope-Leighey home was one of the small Usonian homes he designed. He believed his ideas could be used to build affordable homes as well as homes for the wealthy. This was built in 1941 for 7,000 dollars. Not bad. It's built on a concrete slab, uses radiant heating (so the floor is warm!). Flat cantilevered roof with overhanging carport. Cyprus wood and brick on outside and inside (he wanted "organic" materials, or materials from the earth). The cyprus wood was affixed to a plywood and tarpaper wall, which was not that thick or strong, so several bends in the walls helped to strengthen them. The walls actually don't support the roof - there were three brick corners or walls that do that (one being the fireplace). He designed the furniture too, mostly made from plywood, but beautiful and utilitarian. Instead of his famous art glass windows, he make wood cut out windows in what looks like native american inspired shapes. Our tour guide gave us about a 45 minute tour and talk (and tried not to freak out when the kids touched the furnishings). The home was moved to the site about 20 or 30 years ago for 700,000 dollars. It had been directly in the path of a proposed highway. We came home and tried a couple of experiments based on his physics - like attempting to support a book by placing blocks in various configurations under it (not at the four corners), and folding a piece of construction paper so that it will be strong enough to support a notebook (it works, try it!). Our synthesis project used different sizes of circles and squares to create a rug design for one of his homes. We looked at one of his rug designs as our idea and made our own. So cool.

Week 5: The National Zoo. Zoo admission: free, Parking: 20 bucks. We chose the nicest day of the week - it was supposed to reach 70 degrees! Saw the giant pandas, river otters, lions, a tiger, seals and sealions, Mexican Wolves, etc. Learned about bamboo. Learned a lot about conservation and pollution. There were great exhibits about how garbage ends up in the ocean, and how long it takes for the water to "break it down". Surprisingly, glass bottles last longest - 100,000 years? I think. Wool socks were 2-5 years. Everything else ranged between. We are avid recyclers, but makes you think about what more you can do. Also showed us how deconditioned we were. By the end of the day we were dragging our poor tired bodies up the hill to the car. The coolest thing - they had this place called the think tank - a separate experiment house for the orangutans - and connecting the think tank to the ape house was a series of 40 ft. towers with cables. When they feel like it, the orangutans climb up the cables and swing over to the think tank, where scientists do experiments with them (symbolic language and preferences). We didn't get to see them swing, or see any of the experiments, but we did see a video tape of one study about preferences. This was definately not your ordinary zoo.

We had friends from Texas who came to visit, and we took them into the city again that weekend. Saw a bit more of the Natural History Museum and found a parking garage where I can actually park my tall truck. Hooray! It may be 20 bucks, but this is a good solution to our transportation issues.

Ok, have to run make lunch for the kids. Will update about the next two weeks' trips later.

homeschooling update

2009-02-22T13:40:00.000-08:00

I really meant to give a brief weekly update, but here two weeks have passed and I only have a few minutes. I guess I'll just have to hit the high points.
Highpoint 1: Mount Vernon. That was just the coolest place! I went in expecting to get to tour the home and walk around the grounds and see a few boring exhibits. It was so much better. The tour of the home went quickly - a bit too quickly, I think the guides are used to shuttling people in and out of there quickly, so they really only opened up if they were asked questions. TJ asked about a small play cannon in GW's library - turns out ship captains navigating the Potomac often shot their cannons (or whatever the equivalent was for non-military vessels) as they passed Mt. Vernon out of respect for GW. So he'd take his little cannon and fire back. He also had a key to the Bastille (french prison) given to him by someone (I forgot that part) who respected his role in obtaining the freedom of his people. But the educational experience, that was really cool. They had all kinds of multimedia exhibits - an age regression on the plaster mask GW made when he was alive, so there are a few life size likenesses that show how he looked as a younger man. Then there was the revolutionary battle movie where it actually snowed in the theatre, the playroom for the kids with a Mount Vernon doll house and colonial costumes and an educational resource room for teachers. They counted me as a homeschool mom and loaded me up with lesson plans and activities. So, after you finish with the educational experience, there is this innocuous looking hallway that talks about the history of the preservation of Mount Vernon, which started by a group of women in the 1850's. I think they are called the Mount Vernon Ladies Society or Association, or something like that. A woman from South Carolina figured that if the men could draft the Constitution, the women could save Mt. Vernon. Knowing civil war was iminent, she put together a committee from 12 different states, so most states and many people were represented. Together they raised 200,000 dollars (in 1850!!!!). They purchased the mansion from the Washington family and started the preservation process. So, about 1910, guess who designed and installed the first electric lighting system? Thomas Edison. Seriously! And Henry Ford brought them their first fire truck and made sure fire hydrants were present on the property. The Ford Foundation has been a supporter ever since. Apparently, this was the beginning of efforts to preserve our historic buildings and sites. I guess it's only fitting that we started there.
We had a great time! We'd done enough prep work before hand that the kids were familiar with GW and what was going on at the time, and could use the experience to really expand their understanding. Ok, well Emma thought the coolest part was seeing a pair of his dentures...
For a synthesis project, we talked about the qualities that made GW a good leader, and gave some examples. Then we discussed how the people wanted to honor GW after his death and designed and built a monument for him. The kids designed and built their own monuments (TJ and Emma). Nathan chose another option and made a beautiful drawing of Mt. Vernon.

Week 2: This week's field trip was the Museum of Natural History on the Mall. I attempted to drive there. If you know the area, you know this was mistake number one. all the parking garage attendants waved me off (the LC is too tall). We drove around for an hour until we found a parking spot. That didn't put any of us in the best of humors. But still, it's so exciting to actually be there. We parked in front of the Washington Monument, bought a big pretzel in one of the little snack shops, and the kids chased the pidgeons. The dinosaur fossils were great too. Hit of the trip was the 3-D Imax movie about dinosaurs of patagonia. I think TJ could have wandered around for hours, Nathan, Emma and I were done pretty quickly, though. We did see the hope diamond. Our synthesis project for week two was to draw and name your own dinosaur - describe it's characteristics, habitat, food, etc. TJ really got into it and called my sister because he wanted his dinosaur to have a latin name. We tried several different variations and came up with Oculocalumniacapprofundus Baca Raptor (or false eye thick headed fruit thief). Chewbaca Raptor, for short.

Next week, Air and Space Museum - we may try to actually go up into the Washington Monument as well. We'll see.

A few notes on homeschooling. Some days it works - like Friday. Great day, kids got right to work. But some days are not so great. It's very hard to resist the urge to play, and to realize that home school is not just an excuse to stay home and play. But I think as we go, there will be more good days and fewer not so good days. Already, the kids are taking to music well. I've been teaching Nathan and Emma some basic piano. They love that they are starting to learn some simple songs and like to play them independently. TJ is playing recorder. He has a whole book of recorder songs and hopes to get proficient enough to switch to a fife and play during Tracy's reenactments (Spanish American war era).
Well, time to sign off. will recap next week.

18 sites in 18 weeks

2009-01-29T08:14:00.000-08:00

"The only school I want to get into is a school of crappie*." TJ

18 sites in 18 weeks

We are about to embark on our first (and probably only) homeschooling adventure. We have moved yet again, and yet again during the middle of the school year. This makes 4 (count them, 4) elementary schools in 4 different states for TJ, my 4th grader; 3 for Nathan, and really, 3 for Emma too - counting the 6 months of pre-K at the elementary school in KY.

We are also planning on moving this summer - finding a home to buy in the area, which would involve a change of schools again for fall. The kids really hate changing schools. They have been so positive and proactive during this move, but school really gets them down. It takes so long for the teachers to figure them out - what they need, what they don't need, etc. It's very frustrating. So, it seems like the perfect time to try this little experiment.

But really, the most convincing reason for me is that we are living on the East coast, in an area rich with colonial/early American history. Why not learn that by actually visiting these historical sites in person? Wouldn't that be so cool? So, that's our semester theme - 18 sites in 18 weeks. We'll do some pre-reading beforehand, so that we have a frame of reference for the information we'll learn on site. Take vocabulary and spelling words that are topic specific, and lift as much curriculum or educational development from the historical site websites for before and after discussion/projects. I've ordered some math and grammar workbooks so the kids can work at individually appropriate levels. I'm thinking about Spanish, too. Anyone with any recommendations for me? The kids had some exposure to Spanish at their school in KY. They loved it. We'll probably also do some music at home. Emma and Nathan will start piano, TJ can do recorder (he already spent 3 painful years studying piano). Science and fine art sites will be included in our list of 18. I really want to minimize busy work, though. Maybe the kids will figure out that learning isn't about drudgery, it can be fun.

If we can have some good family bonding time as well, I won't complain:)

Wish us luck!

*(for non-anglers, crappie is a fish)

Where I've been

2008-10-05T07:23:00.000-07:00

I haven't written much for the past 5 or 6 months. Once we moved here and settled in a little, I jumped right in to the finale of a big project I've been working on for several years - a research project on the impact of deployment on families with young children. I started the study about 3 years ago with my friend from ACS - Kathy Berry, and collected data right up until a few days before we moved from Ft. Knox. At the time we arrived here, we had data, but no idea how I was going to get it into shape for publication - our ultimate goal. I don't think it's an accident that we happened to move to what is called the "intellectual home of the Army". The beautiful new library here offers all the same privaleges to spouses as to the soldiers, so I had access to all the library's online holdings, free inter-library loan, and all the reference assistance I needed, often as quickly as I could log on to the computer. All within walking distance. Acting on a bit of inspiration (with a fervent prayer), I sat down with the director of the Army Research Institute here, and begged for help with the data analysis. In response, they generously put me in contact with another army spouse who worked there, and let me use a computer with the most recent version of SPSS (stats program), in a borrowed office for as long as I needed. I felt prompted that I needed to finish the data analysis and have a draft of the article completed by the time the kids finished school the end of May. I would drop Emma off at preschool Mon, Wed. and Friday morning and rush to ARI and work as quickly as I could for 4 or 5 hours until it was time to pick her up. After 2 months, with advice and supervision from my friend there, I had a draft.
As you can tell by our summer pictures, nothing much happened on the project, but I started revising/editing mid August, once the kids returned to school. The paper still needed a lot of work (organization is not my best quality). I worked and re-worked the paper, went back and read many of the original references again (including Bowlby's 1969 work on attachment). Now I think it's about ready to send out. Last week, I sent a copy to Kathy for her to review, and some slides I'd completed. We need to brief some people at Ft. Knox now that the project is completed.
I really don't know what to say about it. I'm so relieved that it's almost finished, and I've put so many hours into it (particularly since we've been here). I have had the feeling lately that for reasons that are beyond my understanding, this project is important. It's not that it's a large study revealing lots of new and critical information, because it really isn't. It definately has it's quirks and weaknesses. But I hope that the information will be helpful to our military families, and those who are responsible to care for them.
And I'm sure it will be several months (maybe longer) before we find a journal willing to publish it, and complete the review process. It's not quick.
Above all, though, I'm so thankful for the ways I've been blessed and prompted and helped and strengthened. If this work is good, it's only because of the grace of God.
Ah well, back to my children. Happy Sunday. Lisa

Vacation Pictures- Colorado

2008-07-22T07:18:00.000-07:00

We drove all night from Kansas and arrived in Idaho Springs, CO. Stopped for breakfast in a little mom and pop restaurant called Marion's. Here we are with our rig.

Climbing every mountain...

The Hills are alive...

Yes, Sir!

Tracy and I at Berthoud Pass, way up in the Colorado Rockies. We tried to do a family photo, but TJ had a touch of elevation sickness and stayed next to the truck.

PVHS 20

2008-06-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

I did not think that I would be one of those people who constantly relives bits and pieces of high school (the glory or the gore). Surely, I told myself, I was more mature. High school was fun, but I moved forward, made new friends, had new experiences. Left high school in the dust. Really.
Ha. So, this past weekend was my 20 year reunion. No possible way I am that old. I do not feel old. And I was only a little prepared for feeling swamped by all the familiar faces and feelings of high school. It was wonderful to see everyone again - to catch up with them and meet their families - It was an adrenalin rush and a contstant perma-grin kind of weekend. But it was also a throwback to the days of feeling insecure and one step out of synch. The days of being a nerd who reads too much, who never sluffed a class or missed an assignment. Who never really fit in. I thought this was a reunion, not a reliving of high school. But argh, it was both.

Maybe next reunion I'll have conquered all my insecurity issues and come back to meet my friends more confidently and authentically. I'm seriously thinking my only hope is yoga immersion or super intense psychotherapy. Oh man. How pathetic.

Really, though, there were some wonderful things I learned - one (thank you Tim), I have more friends than I thought I had. I was genuinely excited and happy to see everyone there. Our class was always so great about being kind and friendly with each other. That's only improved over time. two - I hung out with some great people in high school - truly compassionate, interesting, smart people. and three - high school really was filled with memorable moments - people and events that I don't want to forget or leave behind. And St. George is seriously one of the most beautiful places on the planet. How lucky I am that it was my home. How lucky I am that these great people are my friends.

New Shoes

2008-03-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

Emma started ballet a few weeks ago. She loves it!

Emma has new shoes of soft pink leather.

They are smooth enough to slide across the floor-

Chasse, chasse, chasse

and soft enough to tip toe tip toe in a circle

and light enough to leap and spin.

But dancing is more than shoes.

Emma has a new leotard and a pair of pink tights.

They are fuzzy enough to keep her muscles warm in a cold studio

and stretchy enough so she can bend and reach

plie, plie, grand plie.

But dancing is more than tights.

Emma has a new teacher - Miss Michelle.

She wears her hair in a bun, and plays beautiful soft music.

She teaches first position, point your toes.

Hold a beach ball in your arms, rounded just so.

But dancing is more than learning steps from a teacher.

Dancing takes practice, practice, and more practice.

It takes getting up and trying again after little slips

and not so graceful crashes.

And it takes love

So much love it fills your eyes and spills out over yous shoes until you can't be still.

But the shoes,

They're a great start.

Family Picture

2008-03-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

This is our most recent family photo, taken after Tracy returned from Iraq this fall.

sweet dreams

2008-03-18T07:50:00.000-07:00

My kids have all had the flu this week - the nasty, stick around for a week flu. They haven't slept well. TJ still hasn't returned to school. So, this past week, I went into Emma's room about 11 pm, as she was tossing and turning - long enough to catch this bit of sleep talking:

"Piff, puff, poof! Her fairy godmother appeared. 'You can't go to the ball like that!' she said."

Then she rolled over, snuggled under the covers and went back to her dream.
(It's a line from her favorite book, A Dream for a Princess, which she has memorized.)

Ahhh, Culture!

2008-02-23T18:54:00.000-08:00

This afternoon my two boys and I attended the matinee performance of a certain midwestern ballet company. The company debuted two new pieces, and restaged a classic by a modern (as in modern dance) choreographer. The lineup was too tempting, so I asked the boys if they wanted to go with me (not recommended for children under 5, said the website). The boys and I at the ballet, that's a great old school cultural event, I thought, patting myself on the back for such a wonderful stroke of parenting genius. We spent the travel time to the theatre discussing manners - the do's and don'ts when attending a live performance. Don't make loud noises, don't run, do stay in your seat....The tickets were economical, particularly as we prefer the nose-bleed section, where there are fewer uptight patrons for whom we might spoil the performance with our whisperings or need to use the restroom at inoportune times. To our delight, we had several rows to ourselves. In the smaller venue, even 3 stories up, we had an adequate view of the stage, if you don't count the handrail that hit right at eye level. Or the upstage lefthand corner of the stage which was completely blocked from our view by the curvature of the room. Details. As the lights dimmed, all of us held our breath waiting for the dancers to begin. Even from our vantage point, we could hear the clump, clump, clump of toeshoes as dancers scurried in and out of the wings, and occasionally, the heavy breathing that comes with a strenuous performance. The boys hardly moved during the first piece - breathing in the graceful lines and postures of the dancers. Plus, I had bribed them with a promise of snacks at intermission. When the house lights came up, we dashed downstairs to get a place in the long line. By the time it was our turn, Nathan was on the verge of a meltdown because he doesn't like nuts in his brownies and TJ was paying more attention to the tangerine he had smuggled in than to the baked goods. I ordered the one cookie that had no nuts or raisins and hoped for the best. We had time for two bites before the lobby lights dimmed. As the dance progressed, I whispered some cues to them - "how is this dance different from the last one? What is different about the way they move? Their costumes?" We continued the conversation out in the hall at the conclusion of the piece, when we finished our cookie and brownie and tangerine I had wrapped in napkins and smuggled into the theatre in my purse. As we returned to our seats, Nathan of course, had to suddenly use the rest room immediately. We dashed off to find the restroom so he could spend 1 minute peeing and 5 minutes washing his hands. As he finally emerged from the restroom, we were the last people in the darkened lobby. "Run, Nathan!" I urged. I quietly reprimanded myself for breaking the rules as I carried my crying son up the three flights of stairs to our seats after he tripped and skidded on the carpet. This was the beginning of the end for us. From this point, the only part that captivated my youngest son was the 4 minute section of the dance when all the dancers feigned drunkenness. I think this was more in line with our experience in our seats as I refereed a full-blown fistfight (allbeit a quiet one) between my boys, and had to physically hold Nathan's legs together so he wouldn't bang them on the chair in front of him. We were all praying for the final bows and falling curtain. As we finally slid out of our seats and moved with the crowd towards the doors, Nathan started off in a different direction which prompted TJ to yell loudly for him to "Get back over here now before you get lost!" "But mom, It's ok to break the rules if there's a really good reason!" he assured me later.
At that point, I secretly wished someone had spiked my brownie.
But all the torrid details were quickly forgotten as the boys told daddy about their trip to the ballet. "Um, yea, I pretty much liked it." said Nathan. "I was hoping there would be more marine stuff in it" said TJ. "Marine like mermaids or something?" asked dad. "No, like guns. I was thinking it would be really cool to do a ballet with soldiers, and guns, and barbed wire....you would do a forward roll and pretend to cut through the barbed wire...." I could see the choreographic juices flowing.... This was definately my child. Ahhh, culture!

lost and found

2008-02-17T20:16:00.000-08:00

It's been an interesting fall and winter. Tracy was gone and returned - and finally, we moved. Two really big changes for our family that have required flexibility and patience from all of us. But for the past several months, this pattern has been replaying over and over again for me in a series of smaller reunions and partings. This summer I attended my 15 year college reunion, and reconnected with several of my college friends that I hadn't realized I'd missed so much. In preparation for our 20 year high school reunion, one classmate put together a listserv and I signed up. My daily e-mail is now bombarded with snippets of conversation from people I haven't seen in half my life. And just before Christmas, I received a phone call from one of my grad school professors about a surprise reunion to honor my mentor and dissertation chair. "Will you please go through your pictures..." The request is usually the same for these events. Bring up old memories, dust off old friendships. And having recently moved, there are a large number of Army friends I'm desperate to hold on to.
This has also been a season of losses. Nathan's broken arm was a big loss for me. Loss of what? I'm not really sure, maybe it was just a clear and painful reminder of our mortality, like the "20" part of the high school reunion. Or the dear friends with the sick daughter, who lost their past lives as parents of healthy children. Losing a house, an address - an identity of sorts in our move. And a couple of weeks ago, Grandpa Ken passed away. Then there's my work - which has been limited to volunteer work for the last three years, and is a hazy memory at best.
And so now we have a new house. We have new neighbors, new schools, a new church (building at least). We're finding some new friends here, like Taven - the boy from TJ's class who showed him around his first day. Imagine walking home from school to see him walk in the door next to ours? And the neighbors across the street with the BYU license plate frame that Tracy noticed as we drove up? And I found something else new and totally unexpected - on a whim I decided to take up the Mandolin. It's been exactly perfect for me.
So what is this pattern - lost and found, gain and lose? Maybe my problem is I let go of people too quickly. I didn't keep up with high school and college friends in my rush to finish grad school and get on with my life (including having our three beautiful kids). Maybe this is a clear message to me to Reconnect. To hold on to the important people in my life (you'd think a deployment would make this more clear to me?) To hold on to a stalled carreer maybe? Even though it is a bit tempting to want to shed some excess with each frequent army move.
My kids seem to have the opposite problem. The can't seem to let go of anything. Old broken down rusty bikes, baby toys, old, soiled clothing. They have been horrifically obsessed with preventing Tracy and I from taking any of our unused possessions to the thrift store or for recycling. They have cried buckets of tears, seriously, over little wooden blocks, of reminders of a babyhood spent in Texas. Or the first bike, and memories of adventures riding cross country with friends through our fantastic Kentucky backyard. I frankly have not understood their reactions at all. "We have so much", tracy and I tell them, "We can't keep everything."
I've heard that we define ourselves by the things we hold onto and the things we let go of. Tracy and I are anxious to not be overloaded with lots of junk - but how do we help our children hold on to the memories and meaningful experiences of their childhood? How do we maintain friendships with the people we love in our attempts to raise a busy family?

Maybe this multiplicity of balance questions show that I'm in need of a good dose of yoga... or divine inspiriation. Maybe this post will actually have a yoga class? Wish me luck.

Nothing is the same after you move away

2008-01-21T18:35:00.000-08:00

This house is ours for 4 more days. In 3 days, it will be filled from floor to ceiling with boxes, ready for the moving truck. In 3 days, it will be filled with packers invading our space. In two days, the cabinet specialist is coming to measure the kitchen for the new cabinets that will be put in after we leave. In fact, not much will be the same after we leave. The hospital tile will go, to be replaced with new wood floors and carpet in the bedrooms. The gold flecked counter tops will be torn out and replaced by something probably not so colorful. I think our wonderful kitchen that takes up 1/3 of the house will be partitioned off so there's room for a new laundry room. They're even doing away with the detachable dishwasher.
Nothing is the same after you move away.
Even the neighbors are moving, almost all of them, this summer. Soon there won't be anyone on the block who really knows us, who can tell the new people who move in to our old place stories about roasting marshmallows over our backyard fireplace, or how TJ used to terrorize the younger kids, or how all the kids would come over to our house to make cookies.
Nothing is the same after you move away.
I wonder who will wind up with the swingset? The wooden one that the people who lived here before us bought, and gave to their neighbors 3 years ago, who gave it to the neighbors on the other side of us when they left, who gave it to us. We'll pass it along to the neighbors as we leave, but they aren't far behind us.
Nothing is the same after you move away.
I wonder if there will be any trace of us left here after we leave. Seems funny to just move on without putting down roots of any kind, without leaving any hint that we were here (I mean besides the broken bits of frisbee buried in the mud in the backyard). I've scrubbed the walls pretty well, so I don't think there will be handprints left. This has been an important place for us. We survived a deployment here. We got stronger here. Emma and Nathan call this place home. Now we are just supposed to clear out of here and take everything with us?
Are home and family really so separate and distinct?
Maybe there will be a few footprints left, footnotes left of our life here. Clues that anyone with a hankering for archeology could figure out. A bead here (from Emma's famous beaded socks), a lego there...
Maybe the new occupants will wander down the hall and hear the tinkling of the piano or mandolin not knowing where it was coming from.
Or maybe they will step through the door and love the place, from the new wooden floorboards to the ceiling - just really love it, and say, "Now this is a place my family can call home." because we have.

The value of things

2008-01-04T07:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the new Legos catalogue arrived just a few days ago, along with shouts from our middle child - "Mom, can you buy me something?" One would think that the Christmas toy satiation would still be in effect not two weeks past the blessed day. No. Apparently not. In attempts to teach our children the value of money and work, our standard reply to the "buy me something" question is "why don't you earn the money and buy it yourself". So, naturally, his next question to me is, "Mom, can I earn some money?" This is a loaded question. The boys know that in response to this question I will generate a list of jobs they can do around the house. (Housework, ugh!) They like to try other ideas before faced with the terrible prospect of any kind of cleaning. One favorite potential money making activity is an art sale. When they sit down at the art table to draw or write, they draw all kinds of weapons, animals, homes, etc. Normal boy stuff. But they seem to be convinced that art sales requires them to show their ethnic sensitivities, and so they draw calveras. Never heard of them? The kids got the idea from the pbs show Maya and Miguel - where there is a whole episode about a calavera (sugar mask painted in bright colors to celebrate Dia de los Muertes). And here is the standard process: Nathan draws a couple of calaveras and comes to me "Mom, I'm going to sell the big one for 10 dollars and the little one for 5 dollars." He still believes in easy money. It's always crushing to walk them through more realistic pricing. TJ has actually held an art sale before. He took an old wire shoe rack and used bent paper clips to pin the art to the shoe rack, which he then took outside and propped up against a telephone pole in our front yard. Any neighbor who happened to be out walking dogs or playing with their children was accosted (he's not a shy child) and asked if they wanted to purchase any of his drawings. He usually finds one or two compassionate neighbors who are willing to give him a dollar in exchange for two of his 3 minute masterpieces.
Anyway, Nathan must have been desperate because he totally skipped from the art sale idea to housework. "Make me a list, mama." I did - added as many jobs as I thought my 6 year old would be able to do reasonably quickly and easily. Things like wiping off the kitchen table, picking up all the toys and shoes in the living room, sorting the recycling, etc. I offered to pay him what I thought was a generous 50 cents per job. Any of the jobs could be completed in a couple of minutes. Fair is fair, and I'm not made of money. Nathan was outraged. "Mom! NO WAY! Three dollars and 50 cents for 8 jobs (there were actually only 7)?!?!" I upped the ante a bit, and offered 5 dollars if he completed all the jobs on the list, but he was still totally offended. "I am not doing these!" he yelled, and stormed off to the art table.
Maybe I should have talked with him more about standard hourly wages, so he'll know what to expect once he gets a job as a teenager (and makes 6 bucks an hour folding tacos). But all I could think of was hey, I do all those things for free.....
Ahh, the value of motherhood!

Merry Christmas

2007-12-28T09:05:00.000-08:00

Whew! For all my worrying, we really did have a nice Christmas! It was a bit surprising, but we managed to pull out a nice Christmas eve evening, as well. Christmas eve day started a bit rocky - the kids were fighting, got in trouble with daddy, etc. Somehow, I organized them to do a bit of cleaning in the afternoon, using lots of "this is your last opportunity to show Santa what great helpers you are" for prompting. And when that didn't work, "Santa still has time to turn the sleigh around...". I forget how well it works. Usually I use "Santa motivation" for a good 2-3 weeks before Christmas, but I forgot this year. Anyway, the kids grumbled at first, but soon got into the cleaning. We stayed busy after that - TJ helped me make dinner, then we went caroling to all the neighbors. The caroling is an important family tradition for me, and I wanted the kids to learn to love it too. We came home, read the Christmas story from the bible, opened one present, and then the kids went to bed, where they actually stayed. Amazing.
I wrapped the last 5 or 6 presents, and started putting Emma's doll bed together. It needed a canopy, pillow, and quilt. A couple who lives in the area made both the bed, and a doll wardrobe - perfect for the clothes my mom made for my doll (which is now Emma's). The bed is large enough for 2 dolls, probably about 24 inches long and tall (the canopy part). Painted white with lavendar and green flower detailing (handpainted!). The wardrobe is similar. I was so tickled by how well it turned out! I used 4 long strips of lavendar sheer material, doubled and tied together at the top and gathered at each post. Found some cute purple fleece with ballerinas on it for a pillow and blanket (just added some satin blanket trim around the edges). It was quick! I was in bed shortly after midnight - has to be a Christmas record! The kids slept in until shortly after 8am, and loved their gifts. No one cried because they didn't get what they wanted. It didn't feel like there was too much or too little. And best of all, no plastic toys with the wire twist ties holding them securely to the packaging. (Well, ok, there was one game with those (*&^ ties, but we didn't open it until the day after Christmas). My neighbor, Diane, came over and borrowed our oven as hers went kaput on Christmas eve (right before baking cookies for Santa). It was nice to see her and chat a bit. I relaxed in the bean bag and read a couple of books sent to TJ and I, while Tracy and the kids played outside and built a fire. Everthing felt peaceful. We remembered the people we loved who were struggling with illness or other problems (in fact one of these good friends visited Christmas evening), but it didn't shake that feeling that all was good and right with the world. What a blessing.
Wishing you and your families the same peace, and a blessed new year!

Religion and Politics

2007-12-12T14:06:00.000-08:00

OK, new territory for me. I am generally not good at political dialogues, but here you go. Politics and Religion - separate and distinct? Or impossible to separate?

So, I'm religiously inclined, Mormon by birth and practice. I've been following Mitt's campaign with some interest. I've heard many comments about how, no matter his qualifications, or his personal morality, people won't vote for him because he is Mormon. In fact, last week he "reinvented" a JFK speech about religion and politics that sounded quite good from the sound bites I caught on the radio. Romney's message was this - he wasn't taking orders from the LDS Church, he would work for the good of the nation as a whole. Yet, some of the media were upset that he didn't delve into Mormon theology. Why would he? He's not running for president of BYU. He's not bidding for apostleship.
Granted, our faith is often misunderstood, and has some fantastic claims and practices. One columnist I read noted that all faiths do. Politics is not the place to lay out your most private and personal ideas about faith and God for public scrutiny. But is it possible to truly separate religion and politics? If so, is it advisable?

Separately but related - the Golden Compass, and the turmoil surrounding the movie release. This book is the first in a trilogy of books written by a self-described athiest. Per my sister, they were first released in the UK as books for adults. They were then given new child-friendly covers and some new titles, and marketed in the US for kids. My sister has read all three books, I have read the first. I've also received many different e-mails warning me that the reading of this book or the viewing of this movie will ultimately corrupt my children, as it is the author's intent to turn children away from a belief in God.

So, in our very free country, is there true freedom of religion? Do we tend to fall for age old thinking that to protect the tender souls of our children we need to aggressively ban anything dissimilar to our own religious ideology? I vote for religious freedom. I am wary of warnings that seem to come without some balance and discussion. Don't vote for Mitt, he's one of those Mormons. Don't read this book, it will corrupt your children.
I guess it's because I don't like people to tell me what or how to think. That is my job - the job of parent, to filter through all the media (books, movies and games, etc.) to find out what is most appropriate for my children. Likewise, it's my job as a citizen to vote for someone who I think is most capable and qualified. Let me do my job. Let me exercise my freedom.

With regard to Mitt, shouldn't the question be more individualized? What does this particular mormon bring to the table? Does he have the integrity and the ability and the appropriate plan for the future? That's where I'd like to see the discussion move.
As to the books/movie - I find the themes are too dark for my taste. My sister loved the books and plans to see the movie, but considers both to be for adults because of the content. But, she's not afraid that her spirituality will be warped upon viewing the movie. She's open to alternative views of religion and spirituality.

So, if you have more e-mails warning me away from Golden Compass, please don't send them. I'm not interested.

Christmas thoughts

2007-12-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

It's been a bit blue here today. I'm sure the cloudy, rainy weather may have something to do with it, but for Christmas, it's been a little bit less than cheery. It's been an unusually difficult Autumn among our tight-knit military community. I've already written about the broken arm saga, and the break-ins. I think I've even mentioned our friends' daughter with the aggressive brain tumor. I spoke with her on the phone today, and went by to drop off a basket of lighthearted reading for her boys. Played with Sarah, hairless from the chemo, but walking and talking and doing so well in spite of the horrible tricks her own body is playing. The poor baby can't get a break. There are indications the tumor may be metasticizing. Her parents have been told the prognosis is worse than poor. We have other friends going through severe marital problems; a friend who recently miscarried. Granted, much of this trauma isn't even really ours. Tracy and I love each other and our doing well. Our children have seasonal sniffles but are otherwise healthy and strong. But we feel for our friends. Tracy lost two classmates from Ft. Riley last Christmas Day - killed when their vehicle struck an IED. We wondered how their families might be holding up now, faced with the anniversary of their deaths (coming at what is supposed to be such a joyous time). And on a much less serious note - I've been under the weather too, for about a month now. I'm struggling to recouperate and get appropriate treatment.
So, here we are at Christmas, with all the expectations to make THIS Christmas special - the first one we'll celebrate together since Tracy returned from Iraq. And we are so relieved and grateful. He is home with all his limbs, without the mental anguish of PTSD. The children are doing unbelievably well at school and in their activities. We have wonderful friends and family and are so blessed. But this year it seems like trama and tragedy are walking hand in hand with our gratitude. Is this the way it's supposed to be? Is this what happens once you live so long (and we are getting on in years) - that the beloved holidays serve as reminders of people loved and lost, of the trauma of those who struggle with illness and trials?
I really don't know. Of course, the life of our Savior was no picnic either, not even the circumstances surrounding his birth. Who would better understand our frustration at not being able to get the health care we need than a man whose parents were turned away from every Inn? Who would better understand the pain of our friends struggling in their marriages than a man who was betrayed by his own friend. And who could possibly understand the feelings of those who have lost babies, or spouses, or who are watching their child die - than someone who bled from every pore and gave up His own life for those He loved.
Maybe I'm looking at the whole holiday joy thing backwards. Tracy and I are adults now, and maybe it is not for us to return to the untried, naive wonderment that makes up the joy of Christmases past. I love the passage from Isaiah - Chapter 53: "He is despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows, and aquainted with grief....Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Maybe the hope we cling to at Christmas time is the healing power of Him whose birth we celebrate. So, this season, I pray that He who has endured all and suffered all will be with us, to heal us all.

Good parenting moments

2007-11-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

My oldest child is a bit dramatic. Friday he came home from school totally exhausted and hungry. He quickly became frustrated that his dad was not responding to his continual pleas to take him fishing. "Dad, can we go fishing? Dad, what's your plan for bringing in the big catfish?" Can we get ready and go fishing now?" So, in his tired and hungry state, he started to melt down. "I'm never going to get to go fishing again! Dad will never take me!" etc. If you have kids you may have seen something similar. He wasn't really getting much attention, so he pulled the garbage can out of the corner cupboard in the kitchen and told us since he was so unloved, he was putting himself in with the garbage. He didn't actually try to get in the garbage can (because even the dramatic have their limits, and I'm sure it didn't smell good). He did crawl into the cupboard and shut the door. Normally I would have just let him come out when he was ready. He has ADHD, he doesn't stay anywhere long. But I knew he was hungry and would feel better if he ate something. Anyway, after a few minutes I knocked on the cupboard door and said, "O, prisoner of the darkest dungeon, would'st thou desire a small snack? Alas, all I can offer thee is a mouldy dry crust of bread and stale water, but if thou ist hungry, I will provide thee some food." Pretty good, huh? He knocked three times on the door, which apparently, is knight code for please feed me. I passed him some sugar snap peas (mouldy crust of bread). After a few minutes he came out feeling a bit better. If only I had remembered a cockney accent, it really would have been cool! Anyway, crisis averted.
So, this was a point I wanted to make about deployment (no I am probably never going to leave the deployment topic alone. Sorry). I think it was pretty obvious to me that deployment gives you plenty of opportunities to see your weaknesses as a parent. You are tired, stressed, the kids are stressed, and all they have is you. But deployment sometimes gives you the opportunity to think outside the box - be creative, do things you wouldn't normally do. During baseball season, for example, the boys wanted to get out in the backyard and practice catching and hitting. Normally, I'd turn that responsibility right over to my husband, the high school and college pitcher. Since he wasn't around, I stuck that child sized t-ball glove on my own hand and went out to pitch to the kids. It was great! I have wonderful memories of all my kids (even Emma), and several of the neighbor kids, out hitting the ball and running around our makeshift bases - the big pine trees in the middle of the back yard. The mosqitos were out, sometimes it started to rain, but we played anyway. We kept up the baseball for several weeks. Next we rode bikes in the evening, and even played a few games of dodge ball. I found myself outside more often with the kids than I had been, and I loved it. Now that Tracy is home, he takes the kids out in the evening and I can clean up dinner. I sometimes miss being out and active with them. Those were the good kind of deployment and parenting memories. There are a couple more moments I can think of - usually coming after I'm tired or sick or stressed past capacity. I guess a big parenting challenge that took a lot of effort was starting TJ with piano lessons, and helping him follow through. There were days when I was so angry at him I yelled and threatened to not let him out of his room until his dad came home. But we finally have a routine down, one that works for all of us, and that minimizes complaints from him. He practices in the morning before school, but after his siblings get on the bus. Then I take him to school, giving him a bit of one-on-one time with me (although usually this one on one time includes a lot of "put your shoes on! Where is your back pack? We have to leave now!) He is doing well, and won't admit that he likes being able to play (but I think he does). Ahh! The great parenting moments may be infrequent, but they are sweet.

Emu in our neighborhood

2007-11-06T07:31:00.000-08:00

So, I was unloading groceries a few minutes ago, and had just fished our 24 pack of bottled water out of the back of the cruiser, when I turned around and spotted an emu or maybe an ostrich walking down our street. Seriously. One of those enormous birds, just strolling through our neighborhood, 20 yards away from me, with an MP following slowly along behind it in his police cruiser. It was like a little emu parade, but the emu wasn't waving or throwing candy. I must have spooked it when I said something like "Oh my .*&%" as I backed up to my house for my camera. When I ran out the side door breathless for a picture, the MP was at the other end of the street, out of his car, looking over the sloping lawn and large tree filled space before the airstrip. I loped toward him, hoping for another emu sighting, but he pulled by me, on his way out of the neighborhood. "What????" I guestured to him, and he just shook his head.
I thought this was a quiet neighborhood!
I couldn't resist attempting another sighting, so I ran home, jumped in the truck, and trailed the MPs. They were around the corner, 3 or four of them now, driving deep into the strip of grassland between the highway and the airfield. As they drove out of my sight, I gave up my quest, and headed back to the truck in time to see a pick-up truck with a horse-trailer pulling up to follow the MPs. Good luck! There was even a helicopter in on the action, an Apache, with it's menacing guns, circling overhead. Now that's good use of taxpayer money! Wonder if they will catch it before it reaches the highway? I sure hope so. I'm developing a certain interest in that emu. Hey, I'm hearing some sirens, and the helicopter just circled over my house. Maybe it's back. Excuse me, I may head back outside to look for the emu again. Or ostrich. Whatever. I wonder where it came from? Was there a mass outbreak at a near by zoo? What will I see next? A penguin? A tiger?
On second thought, maybe I'll stay inside!

Army Family Covenant

2007-10-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

Emma and I attended the "historic"? Army Family Covenant signing. We're sharing a reading moment.

baby steps toward health

2007-10-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

Just a comment about the last post. I don't really feel unsafe, not here in America - even with a bunch of kids roaming the neighborhood breaking into vehicles. This is still America, where I don't have to worry about people shooting at me, or being arrested for no reason. This is not Iraq or Afghanistan. Safety here is not an illusion, not where we live.

OK, but this post I wanted to write a little bit about my goals towards healthy eating for my family. Maybe I should call this post baby steps toward health, or something like it. For me, it's been a slow process. Tracy and I started thinking more about nutrition when we started having kids. I think it's something parents worry about. Are you feeding your kid the right foods so they can grow up healthy and strong? Pretty basic. When we moved to Austin, this was a frequent topic of conversation among us new moms. One of my friends spent a lot of time researching health, eating, and non-traditional healing. I was totally fascinated, and loved asking her about the interesting things she was doing (from a grinding her own flour, to her wonderful garden - hi Brooke!). She inspired me to take a closer look at what I was feeding my family (and what products I used to clean the house, too). Maybe a more natural way would be better?
The more I thought about nutrition, the more it all came down to "you are what you eat" for me. Did I want the bulk of my nutrition to come from bleached white flour, shortening and processed sugar; or did I want to focus on more healthy building blocks and more natural food. Anyway, I have focused on making some gradual changes in my family's diet that I think have been some good baby steps. If you aren't interested, too bad. It's my blog:)

Here's what we have done.
1. Made the switch to whole grains.
Bread is easy, I also look for whole wheat hamburger and hotdog buns, use whole grain side dishes (we switched to brown rice, but I also like the boxed rice and Whole Grain blends from Near East). We even have tried multiple varieties of whole grain pasta. My kids surprisingly, put up with the chewy, nutty texture of whole wheat macaroni better than I do. I prefer Ronzoni Healthy Harvest whole wheat blend pasta (these are great, you can't taste the difference). That's what we do eat. We don't eat a lot of processed baked goods that are another source of bleached enriched white flour. I'll talk more about this later on. I think it's one way to look at maintaining a healthy weight, too.

2. Started eliminating hydrogenated oils, as much as possible. This means reading labels, and occasionally going for organic foods. The only two foods that I haven't found convenient non-hydrogenated substitues for are peanut butter (I hate the mess of having to stir the organic stuff up after the oil separates from the peanuts. But, we do buy the Simply Jiff reduced sugar and sodium variety); and graham crackers. My husband and boys love graham crackers and the organic types I've tried taste like cardboard. I also have a few favorite recipes that call for cool whip. Oh well, we aren't perfect.

3. Started eliminating foods with artificial colors and flavors, MSG, high fructose corn syrup, and gratuitous sugar. With TJ and his ADHD, I've tried to minimize his exposure to these. I don't see much difference in his inattention, but I think a diet that sticks to natural foods helps to keep him more even keel behaviorally. This can be a tough call when it comes to purchasing snack foods. We end up eating a lot of real granola bars (not the chocolate candy coated ones). We like Cascadian Farms organic chewy chocoloate chip and Nature Valley regular old crunchy granola bars. We steer clear from most fruit snacks and fruit rolls, except for FruitaBu - organic fruit roll ups. Those are great. Target also has some organic fruit leather snacks too. Oh, I do buy pudding for the kids - I figure it has milk in it:). The kids and I actually prefer some organic cookies (which are still cookies, still not whole wheat flour, so we go easy on them) Back to Nature (oreos and chocolate chips). Excellent! We even find some popsicles that have natural colors and flavors. For canned soup I purchase Healthy Choice (no MSG). We try to eat lower sugar, whole grain cereals. I tried switching over to totally organic, but the kids rebelled. So we try to do lower sugar, whole grain varieties. They do like Kix & Kashi Autumn Wheat (like shredded wheat, both with no preservatives), and my favorite is Kashi orchard Spice granola. Yum. My kids really like real oatmeal too, if I have the time. I splurge and buy only real maple syrup. I don't think I can ever go back to the fake stuff now! For crackers we buy the Back to Nature wheat thins (which are better than the original, but still with white flour), triscuits, and my new favorites are the All-Bran multi grain crackers.

4. Drink more milk and water, juice sparingly (and the 100% variety, for kids recommended only one serving daily). I have heard so many good things about cranberry juice for women that I try to make it part of my routine (right now my favorite is a cranberry blueberry 100% juice blend). Be careful, most cranberry juice is cranberry cocktail - cranberry juice with lots of high fructose corn syrup. Read the labels. My kids and I don't drink much soda. I don't buy it (except for my husband, who loves his Cokes). Since I am becoming pretty lactose intolerant, we tried some soy milk. The kids and I love Silk Chocolate soy milk. I eat it on my cereal in the morning. The day is usually brighter with a bit of chocolate.

5. Eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. Sometimes I put the veggies out on the table before dinner is ready, when the kids are hungry and want to snack. It works well!

6. Reduce amount of meat, eat more fish, more vegetarian dishes. All of my kids will now (frequently but not all the time) eat Salmon! I'm so excited! Often if I am fixing a dish with meat, I try to use less than the recipe calls for. Or I'll do a stir fry or a stew that has meat, but not a huge serving of it. We even experimented with tofu this summer after trying it at my brother and sister-in-law's home. TJ loves it, but the younger kids aren't so sure. I sliced it and fried it in canola oil, then tossed it in with some boxed asian noodles and veggies. Very yummy.

Anyway, those are our baby steps toward a more healthy diet. We break rules often, but at least we have some shopping parameters and goals! I wish I could say that we have broken our hold on sugar and chocolate, but alas, it is not to be. We are die hard chocolate fans here. We just try for moderation....
Also, Nathan is my pickiest eater - he often isn't interested in the funky healthy foods I make, and would just rather have a hot dog and apple sauce. So, I fix him an Oscar Meyer beef hot dog (fewer artificial colors and flavors), on a whole wheat bun with a good dose of ketchup (hey, it's tomato based!) with unsweetened applesauce, and call it good. You can't win em all.

Illusions of safety

2007-10-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

Well, we've had an interesting few weeks. Just as I thought we would survive this deployment with only minor scrapes (and 2 new appliances)......

So it was Monday, the Monday that started the week that Tracy would come home. I was busy making preparations for his homecoming, getting my hair done, organizing the house, etc. The school nurse called me to tell me that Nathan had fallen at school and broken his arm. I was luckily around the corner from the school, at a playdate with Emma and one of her friends. Poor Nathan was in bad shape. He was pale, still, moaning quietly. His arm was obviously broken - a little u shape in his wrist. He started to go into shock when we tried to move him, so we had to transport him to the hospital via ambulance. Oh the timing! It was pretty dramatic. By the time we had finished that day, we found out he had broken 3 bones (radius, ulna, and humerous), one was displaced. The orthopedist put him in a temporary (but hard plaster) cast, with instructions to follow up in two days. We did, still he delayed putting on a new cast (it would have been very painful, fracture was pretty unstable). We were to be seen the following Monday. Since we were going to be in Kansas that day, we were given a referral to take to the hospital there. Yeah, good luck with that. I called to warn them we were coming. "I'm sorry m'am, but you aren't in our system, and we don't have any available appointments." I called the rear detachment there at Fort Riley for help. I called Tricare. I spent at least 2 hours on the phone trying to get something worked out. "M'am, we need Tricare North to fax us an authorization for care, or we can't treat him." "M'am, we need a referral from your primary care provider." "M'am, we need the name and contact information of the treating physician before we can send a referral." I got nothing but run around. In the meantime, I was hysterical by the time Tracy actually was released after his homecoming ceremony (a day later than we had planned, and on the Monday Nathan was supposed to be seen.) After fighting with insurance companies all morning, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and did some combination of the both. Anyway by the time we made it back home and had him seen by the doctor here, the fracture had slipped. Poor Nathan waited in the hospital all that day for the breakfast I had fed him to clear his system so the doctor could set the arm surgically (now 2 weeks after the initial break). Later that week, he finally had a permanent cast on the arm. He missed 3 weeks of school.
It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a kid as healthy as Nathan should not have sustained such a severe injury on his school playground. Nathan drinks milk all the time. He is strong from his gymnastics and soccer, and he is thin. His body can withstand a lot. It couldn't withstand about an 8 foot drop from the monkey bars onto hard dirt. The school nurse told me he was the 3rd kid so far this year to break an arm on those monkey bars. Hello, he was injured in September. Can you say problem? The school teachers and nurse have been great. They love him, they were concerned. But I don't think their playground is safe. You know, it is so hard to see your kids hurting at any time. I think the context of the situation made it worse for me. This didn't have to happen. He didn't have to get hurt. If the playground had been maintained properly, with something to cushion his fall - I'm convinced it wouldn't have been so bad. And, if he had received the treatment he needed at Ft. Riley, maybe he wouldn't have even had to undergo surgery. I have been so angry I've been nearly out of my head! It took about 10 days from the initial injury before Nathan would move that arm away from his body at all. I'm concerned that he also injured his shoulder, although it was never evaluated. All for nothing. In the mean time, our reunion was severely disrupted, as were our vacation plans (hotel with an indoor waterpark). He missed 3 weeks of school, the entire rest of his soccer season, and maybe out of gymnastics semi-permanently (since we are moving after Christmas). His whole life has been disrupted.
So, last week, as we were outside cleaning off the back porch, we noticed that two of our window screens had been adjusted, and both window locks were broken. Someone tried to break into our house. As we checked around, we heard about several cars in the neighborhood that had been burglarized. When we returned today, our Trooper door was open, and there had been several more burglarized cars. Our neighborhood has always been quiet. There are almost never any loud parties, no one speeds through, no MPs called out to break up any family fights. This is one of the most peaceful neighborhoods on post. It's so peaceful here, it's downright idyllic. The large common background area is usually full of kids. The large trees provide shade for even the warmest summer days. We congregate in the backyard - around our patio fireplaces, roasting marshmallows in the evening. This yard, these neighbors - they have been our safe haven and safety net this past year.

I guess it's no wonder I've had some trouble sleeping, and even a nightmare or two. As a parent, I work so hard to keep my kids safe, to minimize risk. With all my work and vigilance, Nathan was still was hurt. And for all the safety that I feel here, in our neighborhood, surrounded by our friends, My family is still vulnerable.

So, today I also heard the news that a friend's daughter was diagnosed this week with a severe, inoperable brain tumor. I can't imagine hearing much worse news than this. Compared to this, a broken but healing arm is hardly worth mentioning (though i managed several paragraphs). Compared to this, what's the loss of a stereo? Talk about a good dose of perspective.

I do want to comment about the whole safety issue, because the ideas have been related to the deployment as well. Here are my observations.
1. Our physical safety is probably an illusion. Who can predict what might happen to us, or to someone we love, or when? I do actually believe that living good clean lives and praying a lot do help keep us safe. Though I think God may have some plans for us that we aren't aware of. And afterall, we are mortal.
2. Threats to our safety and stability (these stressors that make us want to dig in, secure the neighborhood, keep our kids within arm's length) are real. They have real impact on children and adults. My boys, who should be sleeping soundly, are suddenly worried and afraid to go to sleep. I understood this when dad was deployed, but now that he is home, they should be better. They aren't. I should be able to talk to my friends without endlessly rehashing all the trauma. I should be glad to send Nathan back to school, not paranoid I'll get another call from the nurse. I'm not there yet. Deployment was basically an exercise in dealing with constant threats to our family's safety and stability. If I didn't hear from Tracy for a day or two, I started panicking. When he deployed to Baghdad, that was a good 3-4 months of additional stress. And we had it easy. We have friends who haven't been so lucky, whose husbands are deployed in dangerous parts of the middle east, constantly in harm's way. How they function daily is astounding to me. As I've been talking with some of the local school staff, one complaint from teachers and principals has been a handful of families who have trouble sending their kids to school. The parent is deployed, and the non-deployed parent is so stressed and worried they do not regularly keep the kids in school. After this past month, I am starting to understand this kind of thinking better. Sometimes you are so worried and feel so unsafe you go into crisis mode. You keep everyone at home where you know nothing bad will happen to them. Is that the correct response? The school doesn't think so. I'm sure the routine of school is the best place for kids, but I can sure empathize with the parent.

So now I'm going to go start of some socks for my friend's baby, and plan the meal I'm taking to them next week. I'll do yoga and deep breathing. I'll send my kids to school praying they will return safe and sound. I'll have faith that they will be protected, even though I know God may have other plans for them. And I'll hug and kiss them a bit more often. Who would blame me?

Surviving deployment

2007-10-05T05:25:00.000-07:00

First of all, thanks to friends and family for reading and commenting. It's such a treat to read your kind thoughts! Miss you all!

I'm appologizing in advance for this (and probably several future) post(s). It will probably be of no help to anyone but me. I do enough speaking about the effects of deployment on families and children, that I thought I would take some time to consolidate my thoughts while they are still fresh. So, this post is about what I've learned from deployment '06-'07.

This post has several subtitles:
You can never have too many friends (and family!),
Find out who your friends are,
Walking the tightrope

As independent as I am, I could never have survived the responsibility of raising three kids on my own without help. There are just too many things that go awry. There are meetings that I wouldn't have been able to attend without someone to watch the kids. Football, soccer, and baseball games and practices on opposite sides of post at the same time; sick kids, doctor's appointments, Nathan's broken arm (and the resulting 5 hour hospital stay). Beyond just the needed help with the kids, my friends and family were there to send me books, to relate to what I was experiencing, to offer support and prayers. What would I have done without you? Lately I've been thinking about my support systems as a giant, many-layered safety net, with each friend or family member making up a spoke or square in the pattern. The wider and stronger the net and its connections, the more stability and safety it provides for me and my family. The less likely I am to go mad from loneliness or even hurt my kids (there's a new study out talking about deployment and an increased risk for child abuse). Of course, I can talk about this NOW, at the end of the deployment. You'd think I would have learned the first time that it is so much easier to walk the deployment tightrope if you are confident of a strong safety net to catch you when you fall. Some lessons are hard to learn, or unlearn, if you like. I think I have persisted in my 2 year old wisdom - "I can do it myself!" to the point of stupidity. Even at the beginning of this past deployment, when I should have known better, I insisted in trying to load and unload my new dryer without enlisting the help of any strong male neighbors. It was not until I had the thing loaded in my SUV, sitting in my driveway that I knew I was in over my head. I ran up to my neighbor, Hank, desperate for someone to bail me out. Hank wasn't home, but his wife Becky was. She was the one to help me unload the dryer, move out the old one, and hook up the new one. Who'd have thought this very gentle, Southern lady (who always had hair and makeup done to perfection) was so handy with a wrench? It was the first of many revelations that showed me not only how I couldn't do everthing by myself, but that I was surrounded by people who were happy to help.
A common topic for discussion at church is service - giving service, receiving service. Not only is it nicer to give than to recieve, it is easier. It's easier to be the one to make dinner for a family who has just had a baby, than to admit that I am floundering and need some help. Fortunately, deployment provides many opportunities to learn to accept service. The learning curve is a little slow or prolonged (well it was for me due to my own stubbornness). At first I was guilty of the "ledgerbook" ideology. I tried to return babysitting for babysitting, meal for meal, a plate of cookies for a ride to take the car in for service. Soon I found I just couldn't keep up. It seemed that my need for help pretty quickly outpaced my ability to give back. (Now there's a good Relief Society lesson). I was humbled. Really, deployment is a lesson in humility. It becomes quickly apparent where your weaknesses lie. It becomes pretty apparent where you don't measure up. This is where deployment changes you, really marks you so that you are different at the end from the person you started as at the beginning. All those moments of weakness, the times you yell at the kids for no good reason, the times the house is a total disaster and you stay up late reading a novel, the times you aren't emotionally available when the people around you are huring or angry. Those low times for me will not completely be erased from my memory - they'll stick around, my personal deployment scars. But then there are the care packages that arrive in the mail, the neighbor who takes the kids for a whole afternoon, the telephone calls from family and friends. That's when you really come to understand the true meaning of Grace: Undeserved kindness and generosity, love. I found myself singing "you find out who your friends are" a lot. Somehow it's having to go through the low times that really allows you to really experience the love of family and friends. It's the best band-aid in the world. By the end of the deployment, I was able to take the frequent hits to my tightrope stability without so much panic. I knew that no matter what happened, my own safety net would be there to catch me, to wrap around me and comfort me. So when my two younger kids freak out because they don't want to go to TJ's piano lesson, and my neighbor is happy to watch them for me, it's one battle I don't have to fight. A bit of energy saved for the time I will really need it. My family and friends have asked how I did it, how I survived. It's pretty simple, you made me strong.

Reading Explosion

2007-09-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

My 8 year-old (third grader) is a big reader - so much so that it is often a problem at school. Last year his teacher often had to physically remove books from his hands to get him to pay attention during class. This year appears to be much the same. I have talked to him until I'm blue in the face. Usually my first question to him after school was "did you get into trouble for reading today?" Seems funny, doesn't it? He told me yesterday that he just doesn't hear his teacher when he's reading. Now that is escapism at it's finest, I think. To be so involved in a book that the world outside melts away. If it didn't happen in the middle of a math assignment, I'd be a bit more excited about it. Anyway, his reading list is an interesting one. He and I have read some of the same books, but his taste often differs from mine significantly (why I am surprised by this I don't really know). We both read Harry Potter - all the books. He read the Black Stallion and liked it, as did I at about that age. Last week he came home from school and told me he was reading Moby Dick. Ok, I read that book in AP English as a senior in high school - only because it was mandatory reading. I sweated through it and finished it, but it certainly wasn't one of my favorites. He loved it. After school on the car trips home all that week he updated me on what he had read that day. I honestly don't remember much from my reading, but had a few inklings of familiarity when he talked about Quiqueg, Ahab, and Ishmael. He loved the book, finishing it in about a week. I guess it's easy to underestimate the pull of a good book, even a classic - for kids. Sure he reads plenty of modern children's lit, but it's nice to know that I may be able to steer him in other directions too. I'm hoping he'll notice a copy of Johnny Tremain that I've stacked on the bookcase next to his bed, and tackle that next. We'll see.
There is a reading counts program at his school, they get points for reading books on the reading counts list and taking short comprehension tests afterward. I sometimes ask why he doesn't take out more reading counts books from the library, and he rolls his eyes at me. For him, reading is it's own reward. Another recent favorite of his is Runny Babbit, a Billy Sook, by Shel Silverstein. This was a loaner from his cousins. I was tickled to hear him on the phone the other day, with the book laid out in his lap, talking with his cousin about their favorite passages. I guess it's never too early to discuss great literature.
My husband and I are pretty conservative with our parenting. (Well, some may call it conservative, some may call it old fashioned). We don't have a videogame system of any kind. The kids watch TV, but I am very particular about which shows they are allowed to watch. We watch a lot of PBS and Disney Channel and Scooby Doo. This past week the boys have been on the computer non stop, playing games on two new websites - Pokemon and Club Penguin. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. I had hoped to prevent Pokemonitis as long as possible, but it looks like he has finally succombed. Along with all the time spent on the computer, I've noticed an increase in tempertantrums and hyperactivity (again, why am I surprised). We are going to have to significantly limit their computer time, even on the weekends. They need outside time to run off energy, to play and be normal, healthy kids. I'm a firm believer of this "green time". I also pay the consequences if they don't run off their energy because it comes out in the most uncharming ways otherwise. Anyway, tying this back to reading - I am hopeful that a little Melville will help balance the Pokemon influence, just like I hope the piano lessons will balance any exposure to Rap or other questionable music. I know I can't protect him from all the cultural experiences that I find objectionable. But there is always a hope for balance.

Catching up with my reading

2007-09-07T05:59:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd spend a few minutes listing some of the books I've read most recently, as a continuation to the Bookworm post of a few months ago.

Books for Adults:

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini, author of Kite Runner. Kite Runner was a little too graphic for me. I liked Suns better. Still heartbreaking, but hopeful.

Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte. A classic!

The Eyre Affair - Jasper Fforde. Very imaginative, and it was helpful that I had recently read Jane Eyre. That helped me follow the plot a bit better.

Eat to Stay Young - Catherine Christie and Susan Mitchell - both Ph.D./R.D. ok read.

YA Books

The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien - we listened to this on tape as we travelled this summer. Some scary parts, but still a classic.

Eclipse - Stephenie Meyer, the third in the Twilight trilogy, it's as great as the first two.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - J.K. Rowling. Book 7. We even went to the bookstore at midnight and stood in unearthly long lines to pick it up.

No Talking - Andrew Clements. Been looking at his books for my oldest son, but this was the first of his that I read. Great book!

The Thief Lord - Cornelia Funke. Loved this book! I started another book by this author - Inkheart.

Surviving the Applewhites (or something like that) a loaner from my sister that I already returned.

That may not be a complete list, but it does include the stand-outs. Have a good day!

Top 10 ways you can tell you are lonely for your soldier

2007-09-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

Here's my own top 10 list-
You know you are lonely for your soldier when:

1. You experience a strong gravitational pull toward anyone or anything in a uniform. - I remember when the younger kids and I were Christmas shopping at Toys R Us at the same time the Marines were there collecting toys for their Toys for Tots program. Several of them were in their dress uniforms. The kids and I couldn't shop, we just stood there watching them.

2. The kids want to jump on and wrestle with every adult male they meet. (Luckily, I'm a little more restrained).

3. You can't get to sleep because the house is too quiet after the kids are in bed.

4. You check e-mail several times a day.

5. You become so unused to attention that holding comversations with other adults makes you giddy and you sound like a total goof.

6. The kids' arguments make sense.

7. The phrase "Go talk to your father" is automatically paired with a gesture toward the computer.

8. You look forward to going off and on post for the conversation with the gate guards. (at least they are adults).

9. You check e-mail several times a day.

10. You start to wonder where your life has gone, if you'll ever get it back, and if anyone but you would notice.

24 shining stones

2007-09-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

I really don't feel much like writing. It's been one of those not so good days, when I wish I could have stayed in bed. It's not like anything really went wrong, I must have just rolled out of bed on the wrong side. Well, which is the good side when there are 3 children in bed with you? I didn't even have a "side" of the bed to sleep on, more like 6-8 inches. But every so often I have a day when I'm sure I am going to lose my mind - when I'm sure I can't take another day of this. I'm tired, I'm lonely, I need an adult to talk to. So, tonight I read from the book of Ether in the Book of Mormon. For those of you who aren't familiar with this story, the Book of Ether is about a separate group of people at the time of the Tower of Babel, when the Lord confounded the language of the people so they couldn't understand one another. It was a consequence of their wickedness (to think they could build a tower tall enough to reach heaven!). Anyway, Jared, his brother, and their families and friends are preserved by the hand of the Lord and are preparing to cross the ocean to get to a promised land. The Lord instructs them to make vessels that are tight enough to keep out water (but also air and light). The people are afraid to travel such a long way in the darkness, and come up with a solution. The brother of Jared cuts some clear stones and asks God to touch them to make them shine so the people have light on their trip, which He mercifully does. There's a whole part of the story that goes with this encounter, but I'm skipping it to keep this generally brief. Anyway, the voyage takes 344 days. Can you imagine being trapped inside a ship, on the ocean, without seeing the sun often (they had a small hole to let in air, which they had to keep plugged some of the time because of storms and tall waves). Could you imagine doing this in total darkness? Luckily, they don't have to make the trip in total darkness because of the light from the stones. Anyway, the people miraculously don't complain, and when the reach the land, they get out of the boats (probably kiss the land), and thank God for his tender mercies. 344 Days of rolling, stormy seas, and they were uncomplaining and grateful after so long? Tracy has been in Iraq 341 days. We have our own stormy days too, days like today. There is a very well known Conference talk given by Elder Bednar on this topic, the Tender Mercies of the Lord. It is all about the small and simple ways the Lord shows his love for us. For Jared, his brother, and their families, he was merciful enough to give them light for their journey. He didn't miraculously whisk them straight to the promised land to spare them pain or suffering, but he gave them the small miracle of the stones, a reminder of who was really in charge of their safety and lives. Similarly, for us these past months, he hasn't taken away the fatigue, or the loneliness, or the stress of this deployment, not totally anyway. But he has given us many little miracles to help us get through day to day. We have wonderful, loving neighbors and friends, hugely supportive family (who always seem to know when to call or send care packages). We have friends from church. This past Sunday I was reminded of all the support we get from our church friends. One of our home teachers (who was passing the sacrament at the time) returned my kids' waves and smiles. Emma went to sit on the bench between her favorite two babysitters, and TJ sat with our neighbors. I sat in the back with Nathan (and a few extra friends who wandered over) and was grateful for the sustaining love I feel from all the people around me. It's good to have a reminder, even on the bad days, that God is really in charge. That even though I can't see his plan for my life, He knows the plan he has for me and for our family. Now, with the end in sight (we're under 20 days now!) it's my turn to come through this deployment voyage with a grateful heart, thankful for the tender mercies of the Lord.

Home

2007-08-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm an adult. I watch Disney Channel movies. Is that so wrong? I get tired of 30 channels of Law and Order at night, or whatever the current adult themed drama is. I get tired of the reality shows and the game shows. TV for adults is either too adult, or too lame for me. So, I've been channel surfing with Disney. It's about my speed. I was actually planning to watch Disney tonight, the opening weekend of High School Musical II. Here's my reason. It was filmed in my hometown of St. George (in Southern Utah). My boys and I stayed up late watching all those disney kids prancing around my old turf - hanging out on the golf course, running through the sprinklers, watching the stars at night (no trees in the way), hiking (or in their case bouncing) on the red sandstone. Doing all the things I used to do as a kid when I lived there. It was such a tremendous feeling of deja vu. I found myself getting homesick right then for the place - well, not necessarily just for the place, for the whole experience- being there as a kid, with a whole life ahead of me. That was the place where I met and fell in love with my husband. He's in a lot of those memories too, and I really miss him. (Or obviously I would have some better things to be doing at night than watching the Disney channel).
And I've been thinking about my own kids. Right now my boys think of texas as home, because that's where they lived the longest. My daughter thinks of this place as home. She was only one when we moved from Texas. We're planning another move after the first of the year. My boys are already upset about it. My oldest, TJ had a horrible day yesterday. He was plain old mean to everyone - his friends were furious with him. When I asked him what in the world was up with him he cried and cried. It took him a while to catch his breath and tell me that his missed his friend (the one who moved back to Kuwait), and that he didn't want to move away from here. He wanted all our friends to stay here, permanently, too.
So, seeing this movie tonight, with all my memories - I guess that was the first time I really wondered how our military lifestyle and its frequent moves might feel to my kids. Maybe it will be more difficult for them than I thought it would be. I mean, we make friends and watch them leave with regularity. We'll do our own leaving soon - relocating to a new state for only a year, then on to somewhere else. Sure, they get to meet so many people, see so much of the country, but maybe it isn't all good. Kids like stability, predictability, and those words aren't in the Army dictionary. Will they be ok? Will this be bad for them, in a permanent, life-changing way? I sure hope not.
The good news is that the Army family is only so big. We'll run into people we know wherever we go. In fact, our next door neighbors may follow us to our new duty station just a few months behind us. That made all the difference to TJ - knowing his friends would be there too. So maybe he won't really have one "home", or place, where he grew up. But maybe his big (Army) family will be enough. I hope so.

International life in a rural setting

2007-08-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning our Kuwaiti friends are leaving here to return home. It's an interesting thing, striking up a friendship with people when there is very little common language involved - but somehow it has worked. Maybe some aspects of friendship don't need much shared language. It was my brother's idea to write about it.
So, it all started with a game of Uno. That part you know. It's ironic to me that during the same time that my husband is in Iraq, immersed in this culture, we get neighbors from Kuwait. How strange is that? These past two months have felt like some wierd split parallel universe - an American in the Middle East, and the Middle East comes to America. However it happened, It's provided Tracy and I with more common knowledge to use in our discussions about Middle Eastern politics and culture. He shares some Arabic phrases for me to use with our neighbors, I tell him what it's like to attend a segregated dinner party. It's also turned simple neighborhood birthday parties into something resembling a UN Summit meeting. There are at least 3 different languages and often as many as 5 nationalities present (Poland, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, India, and us). I'm becoming skilled at pantomime and pidgeon English. It's stressful, at times. I don't want to risk offending my new friends by not accepting their food or drink, but I don't drink coffee or caffeinated tea (I'm Mormon) but how do you explain this to an Arabic woman in full burqua who brings her china tea set to the party to share her gingered coffee with us? Who doesn't speak English? I didn't even try. I just took the miniature tea cup and thanked her. It is very strange to see the Arabic women here - completely robed, having picnics at the park. It's not what you would think of when you think US Army.....
So, about a week ago, our Kuwaiti neighbors invited me and the kids over for dinner. This was the third time at least they've fed us - wonderful baked chicken and rice with raisins, stuffed grape leaves, tabouli. When my mom and stepdad flew out to visit, they insisted on making dinner for us all - but the flight was late, and they ended up just sending the food over late at night for us to eat in the morning. The first dinner party I attended should have prepared me a little for the most recent. While there were mainly Americans there - soldiers and wives, there were also many Middle Eastern men there. After dinner, the men made a circle with their chairs and brought out these tower pipes (my husband knows what these are called, I don't). My oldest son cheerfully went about trying to convince each of the men of the hazzards of smoking until I could drag him away to play with his friends. The women sat on the outskirts, kind of misplaced and forgotten. It felt very strange. So at this most recent party, my children and I were the only Americans who attended. After getting some strange looks when I sat down outside in the chairs set up there, I was ushered in by the older girls to one of the bedrooms in the house, where some appetizers and coffee were placed on a rug in the middle of the floor. The women came in, closed the door, took off their veils, said their prayers individually on a small rug. My children wandered in and out, even the boys (which I was told was OK since they were only children.) How weird that it should matter. It was difficult for me, because it was a school night, and the time was getting on - by the time we were served our own food it was past nine o'clock. I tried to wander in and out myself to keep better track of the kids, but one of the girls always came to fetch me - "Come, Miss Lisa, Come." I really wasn't quite sure how the kids were going to be taken care of or watched (and was thankful for very good neighbors who I'm sure were close by). We ate the same food as the men, just from completely separate dishes, and after the men were done eating - all closed in by ourselves in our segregated room. The Arabic women were clearly comfortable with this. They chatted with me and with each other. My Kuwaiti friend told them all I was "sister, sister". It's similar to "Army family" - how we think of our close friends and neighbors here. I didn't stay long because I really had to get my kids in bed. After they settled down for the night I had plenty to think about. The experience was pretty far outside my comfort zone because what it means to be a woman in this culture is so practically different. As shy as I can be, I didn't like feeling so invisible. I understand modesty, I really do, but I don't understand the burqua. And I have serious concerns that when you are invisible as a woman, you are at risk for being mistreated. If you want some fictional but probably pretty true to life pictures of this risk, read "A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini. It's a story about two women in Afghanistan during the many years of recent conflict. On reason I have loved my Kuwaiti friends is that I can tell they love each other. The father treats the mother and children well, they are happy. The children are well-mannered and kind. They are good to my kids when mine don't deserve it. But I worry about their two beautiful daughters. Will their husbands be as kind and good? What will their life be like? Maybe I am concerned for nothing - this is what they know, how they understand life to work. Maybe living differently would make them uncomfortable. I don't know.
So, how did I wind up with Arabic friends, who are so different from me? I may not understand their definition of modesty, but I do understand the desire to be a faithful wife and loving mother. I know what it is like to leave your friends and move somewhere where you are a stranger (even though I've only done this in America). I understand wanting to broaden the horizons of my children by exposing them to new people and places. And part of me knows that our country and culture is not always well received by our Middle Eastern friends. Why not try a little harder to dispell any American myths they may have. Maybe this is a baby step toward peace. I'm happy with baby steps. I'm also eternally grateful that my daughter will grow up an American.

AWOL book review

2007-07-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

Today is Independence Day, a perfect day for finishing a book like AWOL: The Unexcused Absence of America's Upper Classes from Military Service - and How it Hurts our Country, by Kathy Roth-Douquet and Frank Schaeffer.

I'm relatively new to the culture of the military. Although my husband has about 18 years or more of time in the National Guard, I was very much removed from most of the military culture. Tracy usually drilled 4 hours away from wherever we lived, so I only met the other soldiers and their families for special occasions - Christmas parties and the like. All that changed when we arrived here - our first duty post as full-timers. While there are some challenges, I have really loved it. I love the sense of community here, the closeness with our neighbors, the many smart, independent women I've met. In fact, I recently returned to Bryn Mawr for a reunion (the first I had attended), and many of my college friends complained about feeling isolated, or not having a community of interesting, intelligent women to be around. "Not me," I told them, which it totally true. I wouldn't replace my college friends (or any of my Utah or Texas friends either), but I have been continually surprised by the kind of support and friendship military families extend to one another. They have to find support somewhere - moving every couple of years, often living hundreds or thousands of miles away from family. Plus the deployments - If you don't have a good dose of independence before these, you soon learn some.
Anyway, back to the book. Written by two military family members - one a spouse of a marine (Kathy Douquet, she also happens to be a Bryn Mawr alum - and political campainer for Bill Clinton. Her stories didn't always go down well with me). The other author is a father of a marine; both are well-educated and self-proclaimed upper class folks. As the title describes, the book describes the relatively recent (within the past 50 years) significant decline in numbers of upper class kids who join the military. The authors reported that if you look back to the Constitution, the founding fathers pictured a military that was representative of the population, a citizen/soldier model. They shunned the idea of a professional military class of people (bad experience with the Hessians?), suspicious of the development of any kind of "elite-led caste" that could influence public policy. However, military service was a point of pride, it was an honor to be able to serve our country. The authors noted that this sentiment is often lacking today. The focus today seems to be more like "what can you do for me?" Military service is portrayed not as the "patriotic" thing to do, an honorable way to give back, but a way for poorer kids to earn money for college, or a good trade for people who don't have other choices. The authors clearly pointed out that most current military personelle really do join to serve their country - and this desire to serve is often misunderstood by others. (hear, hear!)
The authors also noted that significant problems can develop if our "ruling class" are not personally invested in our military. It's easy, with the high level of professionalism generally presented by the military, to send them off to solve problems in other parts of the world. Would our leaders think these decisions through more carefully if their own children were in uniform? Would they be as likely to send our troops out ill-prepared and ill-equiped if their own sons and daughters were among those serving? And, with the lack of military experience in our leaders, who will be able to advise them about the feasability of military operations? All great questions!
I can't really do the book justice with just a paragraph or two. I highly recommend it to any grateful citizen of our country. Happy 4th!

Funny things the kids say

2007-07-04T20:48:00.001-07:00

My kids are hilarious. They come up with some very interesting statements at times. Thought I'd have a place to record these as they occur. Here's the latest TJ (age 7) comment.

Yesterday he was playing with his feet, flipped a bird with his toes. "Mom, is this an obscure gesture?" he asked. "Yes TJ, yes it is." my reply.

vacation pictures

2007-07-01T20:42:00.001-07:00

Ode to our deceased gerbils

2007-07-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

I had a gerbil, but he died.
I don’t know how, I’m mystified!
Maybe my little sister’s hug
For gerbils- was a bit too snug.
We dried our tears and bought another.
(We think it was our gerbil’s brother).
And mom, I wonder how she knew,
That this time we should purchase two.
These gerbils lasted slightly longer,
Grew up leary, bigger, stronger.
But Tylegnaw would rue the day
He ever tried to run away!
It seems his running days were through,
When he ran underneath my shoe.

Concerned our gerbils were too frail,
Mom asked if we would like a snail,
Or something sturdy and robust.
(An exoskeleton’s a must!)
When baby turtle came along,
We were thrilled! What could go wrong?
Our turtle, speedy as a mouse-
We think he’s somewhere in the house.
We’ve left some food out in the hall,
But haven’t seen him, not at all.
We’ll find him, surely as he sneaks.
We’re good – it’s only been 8 weeks.

Our final, lonely gerbil gent,
Was in a little accident.
He hit his head – no, not so wise,
And wound up mostly paralyzed.
Sweet thing, I loved him anyway.
(At least he couldn’t run away).
When someone used him for a seat,
Our gerbil graveyard was complete.

Sadly, there was one pet more-
A hermit crab found at the shore.
This pet had no staying power.
He lasted only half an hour.
It was really not my fault
I added too much table salt.
A cup of water from the tap
Was not his ocean habitat!

I’m pet-less, now, maybe for good.
I’d bring them all back if I could.
Don’t judge too swiftly, for I’m small.
I did my best and loved them all.
And though I cry and beg and moan,
Mom said no pets till dad gets home.
Unless I find a nice bullfrog-
I’ll have to wait to get a dog!

(It is all sad and true).

The Universal Language of Uno

2007-06-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

We live on a military installation, and in our housing area are some finished houses and duplexes that are reserved for foreign officers and their families who come here for military courses. We've met many different families from all over the world - Pakistan, India, Lebanon, Saudi Arabia, Poland, to name a few. We are also on very good terms with the British and Canadian Liason officers and their families. Getting to meet these individuals has been one of the highlights of my experience here. We have built friendships with some of these families, particularly our Lebanese and Pakistani neighbors (who have since returned to their own countries). I have to say that it is easier to do when they all speak English. Recently, a new family moved in across the street with 5 beautiful children. I took over some fresh baked apple bread (which was still warm and promptly crumbled; Nice to meet you, have some mangled bread:) and attempted to talk to them only to find out that the wife and children didn't speak English and the husband was asleep. "We'll come back later," I told them, though I don't know if they understood. I met the family the following evening at the park and found out they were from Kuwait. I am a sucker for these beautiful brown eyed children, who sit on their front porch with their hands on their chins waiting for someone to come by to play. I encourage my kids to go out and meet them, find some game they can play together. This sometimes works, and sometimes does not. Last year, a family from Saudi Arabia lived behind us, and their kids were a little young, a little more rowdy (like my own), and my kids had a difficult time with them. They did try hard, bless their hearts, but were constantly upset when the other children didn't understand the rules of the games they were making up, or ran off with their toys, etc. I also had my first experience visiting with this Saudi mother (who couldn't leave the house to supervise the kids unless she had on her robe and veil). Making small talk with anyone is not my strongest point - I get nervous and can't think of a thing to say. So, it was even worse when the person sitting across from me didn't speak English. She ended up pulling out a picture dictionary, and we made a go of it as best we could. Apparently, social visits between women are an important part of life in the middle east, and it is considered sort of rude to not sit down and accept their drink (I've usually been given some kind of orange drink - Tang or Sunni delight) and food. OK, fast forward to this week. Early this week, the kids and I went outside and filled up our little swimming pool, and coaxed the Kuwaiti kids into coming over. They filled up their bigger pool and organized a few games. Turns out the oldest girl (about 11), knows enough English to organize the younger kids (aka, boss them around:). My kids did really well - they had fun. So, yesterday, when their kids came over and wanted our kids to go over to their place, I was all for it. I'd been watching them sitting on their porch and sidewalk waiting for us to get home from our errands. Emma wanted me to come with her, so I went along. Sat down, was given my traditional orange drink and slice of cream pie, and tried to think of something simple to say. It was painful, really. I asked about the ages of the children, which towns here they had visited (not sure she understood that question). After a few minutes the conversation started to lag. Then I noticed a deck of familiar looking cards on their table. "Do you play Uno?" I asked? "Uno, yes, yes!" they all said. I ran to fetch TJ who was next door, and we all sat down to a rousing game of Uno (which I actually won, though it isn't important). What was important to me was finding some common ground, some way to break though the language problems and make friends. I am optimistic that our relations with this family will be enriching for all of us. Already my boys are requesting more soccer time with Abdurazag (their 9 year old), and Emma lets the two oldest girls (Manar and Najed) carry her around and dote on her. I think this is the beginning of a nice global friendshp -although I know it will be sticky at times due to lack of a common language. Lucky for us there is the universal language of Uno.

half of my heart

2007-06-17T19:37:00.000-07:00

This being father's day, it's the perfect time to explain my blog name, if I can. Half of my heart refers to one of the popular window stickers found on military posts - "Half of my heart is in Iraq", or "Half of my heart is in Afghanistan". The sticker lets people know the family has a servicemember deployed - their husband or wife. If I ever write an autobiography, this will be the title. For military wives, deployment stories are like childbirth stories or family lore. Military wives swap them over cups of coffee or happy meals while your kids play together at McDonalds. Deployment is part of our shared history.

My working theory about deployment is "That which does not kill you makes you stronger."
I've started trying to narrate our first deployment story, but haven't made it all the way through yet. I'll probably post it once I finish. We are nearing the end of our second deployment now, with plenty of adventures that need recording, too.

Anyway, back to the title - Our first deployment started almost 6 years ago - and it was one of those trial by fire experiences. Terrible but important at the same time. A little background on me - I come from a family of strong women (the men are strong and unique too) and was raised on the saying "Anything boys can do, girls can do better." My feminist leanings were further encouraged at Bryn Mawr. On top of this, my parents divorced when I was 21, leaving me all kinds of confused about how to manage in a marriage. My husband Tracy, bless him, came from a very stable, traditional family. But we had different ideas about marriage - does a marriage mean you belong to each other, or is it made up of two individuals choosing to be together? It may seem esoteric, but it was upsetting. And, how do men and women truly work together in a marriage? What unique abilities do fathers bring to the table when compared with mothers (here I have to say my Psych background was completely unhelpful). Introduce kids to the mix, and introduce our first deployment. In one way, deployment is like a carefully controlled experiment about the importance of fathers in the lives of their children (or mothers, for those deployed moms). There is no confounding effect of divorce (at least not in our case) or significant parental conflict (usually). You take a (fairly) normal family, remove the dad for a long period of time, observe the reactions of the remaining family members. Classic. Introduce situational stress (lots), which magnifies the reactions of the family members. What do you learn? Or really, what did I learn? It also helped that I reviewed what little information I could find about the importance of fathers in the lives of their children for a father who was looking to gain custody of his adolescent son (I was paid for this, it wasn't my idea). All these events propelled me into much more serious pondering about this man I married, and his importance to me and to our children. The whole experience was incredibly humbling. I really didn't manage as well as I thought I could by myself. I needed him - not just to help clean, or take care of kids, or fix the broken down trucks and sink. As I said, my psychology background didn't really help me figure this out at all. There aren't many theories about the critical nature of fathers (though I found some good information in long term studies of children of divorced parents). So, I searched for answers in church materials and scriptures. My church teaches that fatherhood is a sacred responsibility. Fathers preside over the families, they provide and protect. I used to think of that as old-fashioned, but it suddenly made much more sense. I missed his leadership, his protection, his thoughtful decision making (I'm far too impulsive). Now, during this current deployment, I see how the kids need his firmness. I see how much they miss him. I really was unprepared for how much the kids missed their dad. The incredible sadness due to the separation. All of the sudden, the account in Genesis seemed so important - "And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Genesis 2:22-24. I love the fact that Eve was made from a rib - her origins were close to Adam's heart. And, that through marriage, two individuals are united into one flesh. One heart.

I'm not meaning to get preachy. I'm not sure I can even put into words how exactly my thinking changed, though it did. I made up my mind to search for ways to better support Tracy in his roles as father and patriarch of our family. My illusion of my independence (which was pretty well blown by the whole deployment experience) softened. I depended on him and needed him. What a difference it has made.

I haven't ever told Tracy about this soul searching. Frankly, I'm embarrased that it took me so long to really value the unique gifts and abilities he brings to our marriage. It's not that I didn't love him, because I have, from the time we met. But now I'm more aware of the problems that crop up (subtle and not) when he isn't around. I'm more aware of his place in our lives. So, I titled my blog half of my heart out of gratitude for what I've learned, and for Tracy.

Confessions of a bookworm

2007-05-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

My husband has been deployed for almost 11 months, and should be home in just a few more. As we near the end, I'm looking back at the highs and lows. Many of the lows were soothed by an escape from my own reality into a book (or a pile of them). I think I've read more this year than any other year of my life. I thought it might be fun to produce my reading list here. I know this is not a complete list - many of the books I've read I've sent back to my mother and sister (who love me and keep me in reading materials). As I remember them, I'll add them.

I love fiction, and tend to stick to YA (young adult literature) mainly for content (plus great writing). I find that I'm just not up for the adult content in adult fiction nowadays.

YA fiction:

*Twilight - Stephenie Meyer
*New Moon - Stephenie Meyer

Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants - Ann Brashares (great characters)
Second Summer of the Sisterhood - Ann Brashares
Girls in Pants - Ann Brashares
Forever in Blue - Ann Brashares

Eragon - Christopher Paolini
Eldest - Christopher Paolini

Sorcery & Cecelia or The Enchanted Chocolate Pot - Patricia Wrede & Caroline Stevermer

Keturah and Lord Death - Martine Leavitt

Son of the Mob - Gordon Korman

The Golden Compass - Philip Pullman (a little creepy)

Chasing Vermeer - Blue Balliett

Al Capone Does my Shirts - Gennifer Choldenko

Saving Francesca - Melina Marchetta

Princess Academy - Shannon Hale

Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix (re-read via audio tape)
Harry Potter & the Half-blood Prince (ditto)
Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban (reread)

Bridge to Terabithia - Katherine Paterson
The Great Gilly Hopkins - Katherine Paterson

*Sarah, Plain and Tall - Patricia MacLachlan

The Boxcar Children - Gertrude Chandler Warner (for my second grader)

My Mom's a Mortician - Patricia Wiles
Funeral Home Evenings - Patricia Wiles
Early Morning Cemetery - Patricia Wiles

Joey Pigza Loses Control - Jack Gantos (didn't like at all)

Becoming Naomi Leon - Pam Munoz Ryan

*Soldier Mom - Alice Mead

Adult books

Cry, The Beloved Country - Alan Paton

Heroes at Home - Ellie Kay

The Work and the Glory: Pillar of Light - Gerald N. Lund
The Work and the Glory: Like a Fire is Burning - Gerald N. Lund
The Work and the Glory: Truth Will Prevail - Gerald N. Lund

A Sense of Wonder - Katherine Patterson

Far from Cactus Flat - Lyman Hafen

*ADHD with Comorbid Disorders - Steven R. Pliszka, Caryn Carlson, James Swanson (CE credit)

I'm also halfway through Patriots -by A.J. Langguth
I read a good chunk of the Old Testament before moving on to the New Testament
Read a bit of A Mormon in the White House? 10 things every American should know about Mitt Romney - Hugh Hewitt (though it seemed redundant so I quit)

As of 6/17/07
I forgot a few:

The Samauri's Garden
The Toughest Show on Earth? (Autobiography of Joseph Volpe - Metropolitan Opera)

New Reads:

Crispin: The Cross of Lead - Avi
The Thief Lord - Cornelia Funke
Mothering with Spiritual Power - Debra Woods (comes out in a few months, gave endorsement)
The Minstrel's Tale - Berit Haahr (a classmate from Bryn Mawr)